Woman Helped ‘Struggling Mom’ Buy Gifts for Her Kids. When She Refuses to Do It Again, Mom ‘Blows Up’ and Feels ‘Insulted’

A woman is wrestling with guilt after deciding not to help a “struggling mom” buy Christmas presents for her children this year.

In a post on Reddit’s AITA forum, the original poster (OP) said she first connected with the mom through a local Facebook group two years ago. The woman had asked the community for help getting Christmas gifts for her daughter, and OP stepped in and covered the presents.

The following year, the mom came back to her again. This time, she said she’d just had a second baby, had quit her job to care for her sick mother and had even sold her car so she and her husband could pay their bills. She asked OP if she could help with Christmas again, and OP agreed.

After that second Christmas, the mom sent a thank-you message and then added OP as a friend on Facebook. Once OP could see her profile, she realized the woman was posting regularly as a micro-influencer on TikTok: designer shopping hauls, pricey manicures and visits to expensive coffee spots were all over her feed. OP said she felt blindsided and unsure how to feel about continuing to help.

About two weeks ago, the mom reached out yet again, asking if OP could help buy gifts for both of her children this year. OP didn’t answer immediately, but ultimately decided she couldn’t just ignore the message. She replied to say she wouldn’t be helping this time and explained why.

According to OP, she told the woman that “it’s clear to me that your inability to afford Christmas gifts for your girls stems from irresponsible financial decisions, not being down on your luck like you’ve claimed.” She also apologized and suggested the mom look for more affordable options and cheaper stores.

The mom did not take it well. OP says the woman became very upset, accusing her of being rude and judgmental and calling her an a—— for criticizing her while she was “trying to make money as an influencer.” The situation escalated even further when the mom went to their local Facebook group and publicly shamed OP by sharing her full name and a screenshot of her profile.

Now OP isn’t sure how to move forward. She hasn’t replied in the group yet and is torn between defending herself, exposing what she’s seen on the influencer’s feed or simply staying silent. She doesn’t feel she did anything wrong by setting a boundary, but she admits she’s wondering if, because she has a stable job and the other woman is a young mother, she should have just helped one more time.

Commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly supported OP and said she wasn’t in the wrong — and that her generosity had already gone above and beyond.

Many pointed out that it’s reasonable to help once, but repeated requests, especially in light of the influencer-style content, crossed a line. One commenter argued that there are plenty of established charities and toy drives the woman could apply to, and if she doesn’t qualify, it might be because of how she chooses to spend her money rather than a true lack of resources.

Others went further, saying the mom was essentially scamming people by presenting herself as desperate while showcasing a lifestyle that suggested different priorities. They felt she “needed” to be called out, especially after she responded with public shaming instead of gratitude.

Some did note that, while OP was justified, she might have handled the conversation more strategically. They suggested she could have simply said, “I’m no longer able to help, I wish you the best,” without explaining her reasoning — both to avoid drama and to give the woman less ammunition for a public backlash.

Still, even those critics agreed on one key point: OP is not obligated to keep funding someone else’s Christmas, especially when that person appears to prioritize luxury content over their children’s needs. Defending herself calmly in the Facebook group, they said, would be reasonable if she wants to protect her reputation — but continuing to buy gifts is not.