Woman in Wheelchair Can’t Attend Book Club Meeting at Stairs-Only Home. Other Members Still Expect Her to Pay for Snacks

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after a clash with her longtime book club left her feeling excluded.

The 31-year-old explained that she has been part of the same group of eight women since 2019. Things were smooth for years, but her life changed dramatically two years ago after an accident left her using a wheelchair.

Traditionally, the group rotates hosting duties, with one member, “K,” frequently opening her home. “K (34F) has a nice patio and used to host most often, and everyone’s always liked going to hers,” she wrote.

The problem is accessibility. “K’s place is up a flight of 14 narrow stairs with no railing on one side,” she shared. Because K rents the space, no ramp or alternate entry is possible. Since her accident, the group has adjusted by meeting in coffee shops or library rooms when it’s K’s turn.

That compromise ended when K recently announced she wanted to host at her home again. “This month, K said she ‘misses hosting at home’ and dropped her address in the group chat with, ‘We’ll make a Zoom link for OP,’” the woman explained.

The poster quickly responded, asking for an accessible option. She offered to host herself, suggested a free community room, or proposed splitting the cost for a café space. Despite these alternatives, K insisted it was her turn and that her house should be included again.

“K said she’s tired of making exceptions and that it’s her turn, her house,” the woman wrote. Things escalated further when K suggested someone could “carry me up”—a proposal the poster found unsafe and insulting.

The group split over the disagreement. “Two people backed me straight away. Two said nothing. One person said I’m ‘dictating the group’ and that Zoom is good enough.” K then doubled down, saying the poster could either join virtually or skip, but still expected the usual $15 contribution for wine and snacks.

That demand stunned her. “I said I’m not paying for a meeting I physically can’t attend, and I’m not Zooming into something that’s meant to be social when there’s an easy alternative,” she wrote. She emphasized she wasn’t avoiding her turn to host, offering to take the next month to keep the rotation fair.

Even so, backlash followed. “Now I’m getting side messages saying I’m being dramatic and that we’ve always gone to K’s,” she admitted. She stressed that she doesn’t want to damage friendships but feels strongly that she is being excluded.

“I don’t want to blow up a friend group over one night, but it feels ridiculous to ask me to pay for a party I can’t get into,” she wrote, before asking the Reddit community: “AITA for pushing for an accessible venue again and refusing to pay for that meeting? How would you handle it without turning it into a bigger fight?”

Reactions were mixed. One commenter sympathized with K’s perspective, writing: “She would love to host at her place. Not in a community room, not in the café. She would like to be a host in her space, make it cozy, prepare snacks, light candles etc. For once in 2 years? It’s not unreasonable to ask.”

Others, however, said K’s request for money crossed the line. “Expecting her to pay is completely unreasonable here,” one person countered.

The original poster continues to wrestle with the decision, weighing the importance of maintaining peace with the need to stand up for herself.

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