A 26-year-old woman turned to Reddit for advice after facing a New Year’s Eve dilemma involving her boyfriend. Her partner, also 26, has invited 10 to 20 male friends to his cabin for a week-long trip leading up to the holiday — and she’s unsure if she should join.
In her post, she explained that she has been invited, but worries she’ll feel out of place. “It will be a whole week and I don’t know if I should go, as of now all the guests will be male. And they will be playing games and talking about gaming all the time,” she wrote.
She said she has tried to take an interest in her boyfriend’s hobbies, but gaming just isn’t her thing. “I don’t know anything about gaming and I don’t enjoy it although I try to play some games with my boyfriend and listen to him when he talks about it, because that’s what he likes.”
Her boyfriend has been honest that the group will mostly be gaming during the trip and told her he would understand if she felt out of place. Reflecting on a previous hangout with his friends, she recalled, “When I went to the hangout with his group of friends before I had [no one] to talk to.”
“I’m quite insecure and anxious and don’t feel comfortable in situations where I feel invisible, I feel like if I was interrupting,” she continued.
She admitted that she really wants to spend New Year’s Eve together but is worried that expectation isn’t realistic. “I’d like to spend the New Year’s Eve together, but I am probably delusional thinking that I will have someone to talk to.”
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To cope, she considered bringing work or books along just to get through the week, but worried that being stuck there for so long would make her feel trapped and unable to enjoy herself.
The woman ultimately admitted she was leaning toward staying home, even though part of her felt guilty about that choice. “Earlier experiences tell me I will be just sitting there in silence and pretending it’s okay, as I don’t have common interests or spending that time by myself,” she wrote, adding that it would likely be “difficult” for her to connect with any of his friends on the trip.
“I’m thinking of spending New Year’s Eve separately from my boyfriend because I don’t have common interests with his friends and don’t want to be invisible the whole trip,” she concluded.
Many commenters reassured her that her instincts were reasonable and that she didn’t need to push herself into a situation that made her uncomfortable. One person wrote, “Totally fine for you to stay home! Find some way to celebrate the holiday that you enjoy, and keep an eye on whether your boyfriend includes you and makes you feel welcome in general. If not, next!”
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Another commenter encouraged her to talk honestly with her boyfriend about how isolating the trip feels. “It might be worth talking to him again and explaining how you’re feeling, because it sounds like he doesn’t fully realize how isolating this situation is for you.”
They also suggested the couple find another way to mark the holiday. “If he’s understanding, maybe you can plan something together after he gets back, so you still get to celebrate in a way that feels good for both of you.”
