A woman shared that she felt “upset” when her husband decided to go to church instead of spending her rare Sunday off together — and she’s wondering if her reaction is fair.
The 32-year-old woman, who identifies as agnostic, explained on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum that her husband of six years recently began attending church again about “a month ago.”
“He enjoys it and gets to see his family, so I’m happy for him and encourage him to go,” she wrote.
The issue arose because the woman works weekends and nights, which leaves very little shared time with her husband. Knowing this, she requested a Sunday off about “two months ago” — before he returned to regular church attendance — specifically so they could “wake up and spend some time together/go out to grab breakfast,” noting that most days they don’t see each other until 8 p.m. and fall asleep by 10:30 p.m.
When she reminded her husband about the upcoming Sunday, she said he replied, “Oh yeah, I’ll go to church in the morning then come back and spend time together.” Based on drive time and service length, she estimated that he would be gone from around 7:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.
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She wanted to maintain a peaceful dynamic, so she suggested they drive together. She planned to visit family in the area while he was at church, and then they could enjoy lunch afterward.
However, several days later, her husband informed her that his father would be joining him at church, which meant he’d also be present at lunch. Because of this, she decided to stay home and use the time to get some cleaning done, explaining that while she appreciates his father’s situation — describing him as “old and lonely” — it eliminated the possibility of spending quality alone time with her spouse.
On the actual day, her husband told her that his father had canceled — but only after he had already left the house. She said she felt like the choice to stay home ended up being “for nothing.”
She clarified that she isn’t angry, but she’s deeply hurt: “[I’m] not mad, just feeling very hurt that I spent two months counting down the days to spend this Sunday with him.”
Now she’s questioning whether she would be wrong to bring up her disappointment, adding, “I could have told him I wanted him to stay home, and know he would have, but that didn’t feel right […] when it has to do with his faith.”
Most commenters responded with empathy but also encouraged self-reflection. They emphasized that her feelings are valid, while also noting that she contributed to the miscommunication by not being fully direct about what she wanted.
“NAH [not the a——],” one user wrote. “But you are telling him to go then upset that he goes.”
Another added, “Sounds like you just [needed] to be clear.”
Others advised giving it time before bringing up the conversation: “Talk to him about this issue again when you feel calmer and more relaxed,” one commenter suggested.
