A woman says her in-laws are furious because she decided not to take their last name after marrying their son.
In a post on Reddit, she explained that she and her husband had agreed before their wedding that she would keep her own last name. “It never occurred to me that I should tell anyone of our decision to not change my last name,” she wrote.
After the wedding and honeymoon, her husband’s parents invited them over. She thought it would be a nice first visit as a married couple, but instead it turned into an argument. Her father-in-law insisted on having “a serious conversation” and told her how important his last name was. He claimed that people in his community would respect her more if she shared his family name.
She said she explained her reasons for keeping her own name:
- It’s complicated and costly to change IDs and paperwork.
- Her current last name is unique, and she’s never met anyone outside of her family with it.
- Her business and degree were built under her current name.
Still, none of those reasons were “good enough” for her in-laws, who argued that their other daughter-in-law had changed her name.
“I said I don’t feel that I further need to justify my decision to you since you’re not listening or understanding my perspective,” she wrote.
Her father-in-law then accused her of insulting him, saying friends would think something was wrong with their marriage and that people would not respect her.
The woman asked if she was wrong for not announcing her choice beforehand and for walking out during the argument.
Many Reddit users supported her. One commented: “It’s your name, no one gets to tell you what it should or shouldn’t be. If anyone is disrespecting names, it’s your FIL for not thinking your name is as good as his.”
Another user added: “He isn’t just disrespecting your name. He’s disrespecting you as an adult who has a right to make decisions. Why isn’t he suggesting his son take your last name? Yours is unique, and he already has one son with [the other daughter-in-law] who carries on his name.”
