A mom is questioning whether she was wrong for refusing to make another woman’s daughter an elaborate birthday cake.
The original poster (OP) shared her experience on Reddit’s AITA forum, explaining that she previously worked at a bakery during college and learned some cake-decorating skills from the confectioner there. Now, she works full-time in a demanding job that often requires her to be on-call. Over the years, OP has made a few elaborate cakes, using her engineering background to create unique designs.
For her daughter’s fourth birthday this year, OP decided to throw a party for some of her preschool friends and their parents. She crafted a Rapunzel cake complete with a tower, as her daughter has been fascinated with the character. The cake required a full week off work to complete—and the result was stunning.
“My daughter was incredibly happy, and it was the talk of her friends’ circle for a while after as well,” OP said.
After the party, one of the moms, whom OP calls “Aly,” saw her at school and mentioned that her own daughter had loved the cake and had been asking for a similar one.
“She asked me if I would be willing to make a cake for [her daughter] as well,” OP said. “I told her it took me a lot of time and effort to make the cake for my daughter and I am not sure I could accommodate it.”
Aly persisted, and OP eventually gave her phone number, saying she would think about it. Later, after asking her daughter about Aly’s daughter, OP learned that the girls weren’t particularly close. Her daughter described Aly’s daughter as “bossy” and someone she “doesn’t like.”
Ultimately, OP decided it wasn’t worth the hassle and texted Aly to decline, suggesting she recommend some local bakeries that could make a custom cake. Aly argued that if OP could make one cake, she could make another, and when OP refused, Aly responded with insults and claimed OP didn’t care about her daughter’s happiness.
In the Reddit comments, most users sided with OP, noting that she had already offered alternative solutions.
“HER daughter’s happiness is not your responsibility. You told her you didn’t have the time and offered to recommend some bakeries, and she got snarky with you,” one commenter wrote.
“You may have dodged a bullet here; if you made one for [her daughter], you might have had entitled moms popping out of the woodwork demanding that you make a cake for little Snotfuss or little Reebeckhah. No means no.”
Another suggested Aly might have been trying to avoid the cost of a professional cake.
“I’m starting to think that she asked around and found out a cake like the one you made is very expensive and thought maybe trying to get you to do it she could pay you less,” the commenter said. “Sounds like she doesn’t want to pay the cost or deal with her kid’s tantrum when she doesn’t get the cake.”
A third added, “It’s ludicrous that she thinks making time to do something for her kid is equivalent to you making time for your own kid. Even if [her daughter] was a close friend of your daughter, you’d still be right to say no. This is your time, effort, and money going into this, and just because you found the time to make one for your daughter does NOT mean you have to make them for anyone else.”
The consensus: OP gets to decide who receives her special homemade cakes, and her refusal doesn’t make her a bad mom.
