Woman Questions Relationship After Boyfriend Refuses to Cover More of Their Expenses Despite Huge Pay Gap

A 23-year-old woman turned to Reddit for advice after ending her relationship due to repeated disagreements about money.

Having recently completed her master’s degree, she’s taking a gap year to save for further studies. She works multiple jobs — double shifts, tutoring, and freelancing — to fund her own education. “I’ve been paying for my own education since school through scholarships and other work,” she explains.

Despite her financial independence and limited income, her 28-year-old boyfriend, a software engineer, insists on splitting all expenses equally, even though he earns far more. “It’s not fair that I have to split every expense with him,” she writes, adding that she already manages high costs for medical care and education.

Although the couple is long-distance, she has often paid for her own travel to visit him. “That was my choice,” she notes, but says he still expects her to cover half of every shared cost during those visits.

She frequently offers to contribute but says a strict 50-50 split isn’t always realistic. To compromise, she’s suggested more affordable dates and outings. “I have asked him to go to less fancy places or do activities which wouldn’t cost so much money,” she explains.

However, her boyfriend refuses to scale back, preferring expensive restaurants and branded goods. “We always have to go to fancy places and buy branded things, and sometimes I can’t keep up,” she admits, adding that she feels judged when choosing thrifted or budget-friendly options.

“He knows about my financial situation,” she emphasizes, noting that her early career path makes it impossible to match his spending habits. She has asked him to be patient, hoping to contribute more equally once her income grows. “I have asked him to wait a couple of years before I can start earning as much,” she says, but those talks haven’t helped.

Her boyfriend, who had his education fully funded by his parents and secured a high-paying job soon after graduation, “doesn’t get where I’m coming from,” she confesses.

During a recent visit, tensions reached a breaking point. “This led to a huge fight the other day when I said this relationship is becoming expensive for me,” she recalls. He stormed out of the apartment and returned later — but by then, she had decided to end things. “When he came back, I said I want to end things.”

Now, she’s unsure if she acted too quickly. “I don’t know if I made a mistake. I feel so clueless. I don’t know what to do,” she says, asking the Reddit community for advice.

Commenters largely supported her, saying equal splits only work when both partners can comfortably afford the lifestyle. One noted that if a higher earner insists on luxury, they should cover the difference — or find someone whose finances align with theirs.

The woman agreed with this sentiment, clarifying that she’s happy to share costs for things within both their budgets. “But that never happens,” she says, adding that her ex reacts with anger whenever she suggests he might be better suited to someone with similar spending power.