A woman shared that her new boyfriend became upset when she refused to change an important part of her yearly end-of-summer party to fit his wishes — and now she’s questioning if she was wrong.
The 42-year-old wrote about her situation on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, where people ask for advice about personal conflicts. She explained that she has hosted a backyard summer party in her neighborhood for many years.
“It’s always the same setup: adults and kids come, we all celebrate together, and at some point, the kids go to sleep while the adults continue the evening,” she said.
Her plan this year was the same. She intended to bring her children, ages 6 and 10, inside her home to sleep while the adults kept enjoying the party outside. From the balcony, she could both see and hear the yard, and her kids also had a phone to call her if needed.
But her boyfriend of six months, who has two children ages 5 and 7, wasn’t comfortable with this arrangement.
“He didn’t like the idea of putting [his kids] to bed at my place while he stayed outside with me, or going to bed with them while I stayed outside,” she explained.
The woman said she told him she understood, and that it was fine if he chose not to attend — but he took that response badly.
According to her, he said that he and his children were “not actually welcome at the party because of the way it was set up.”
She explained to him that this gathering has always followed the same tradition, and she didn’t feel it was right to change everything for one guest. “My view is that guests can decide if the event works for them, and if not, they don’t have to come,” she said.
In the end, her boyfriend chose not to attend and was also upset that she didn’t call him during the party. She said she was busy focusing on her guests and having a good time.
“This all turned into a big argument,” she wrote, asking readers: “AITA [am I the a——?] for not changing the setup of a tradition (and for not calling during the party) to accommodate my boyfriend and his kids?”
Many commenters told her she was not in the wrong and suggested her boyfriend’s reaction was a red flag.
“NTA [not the a——],” one person commented. “He was testing the waters to see if he can control you. And now he is trying to manipulate you. You did nothing wrong.”
Another added, “Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it shows you respect your own traditions.”
Someone else suggested he could have handled things differently: “Why couldn’t he come for the first few hours and leave when his kids got tired? Or find a babysitter and go alone? He had options he could have pursued.”
