A woman says her new boyfriend was upset after she refused to change an important part of her long-running end-of-summer party — and now she’s wondering if she was wrong.
The 42-year-old shared her story on Reddit’s forum “Am I the A——?”, where people ask for advice on personal conflicts. She explained that she has been hosting a neighborhood summer party in her backyard for years.
“It’s always the same setup: adults and kids come, we all celebrate together, and at some point, the kids go to sleep while the adults continue the evening,” she wrote.
Her plan this year was the same. She would put her two children, ages 6 and 10, to bed inside their home, which is right next to the backyard. From the balcony, she could see and hear the yard, and her kids also had a phone to call her if needed.
But her boyfriend of six months, who has children ages 5 and 7, wasn’t comfortable with this arrangement.
“He didn’t like the idea of putting his kids to bed at my place while he stayed outside with me, or going to bed with them while I stayed outside,” she explained.
The woman told him she understood if he didn’t want to come and that she was fine with his decision. But this upset him even more.
“He said that he and his kids weren’t actually welcome at the party because of the way it was set up,” she recalled.
She explained to him that the party has always followed the same format, and she didn’t want to change it for one guest. “My view is that guests can decide if the event works for them, and if not, they don’t have to come,” she said.
In the end, her boyfriend did not attend the party. He was also hurt that she didn’t call him during the event.
“I didn’t have time to call him because I wanted to focus on my guests and enjoy the evening,” she wrote.
The disagreement eventually turned into an argument. She asked Reddit if she was wrong for not adjusting her tradition — and for not checking in with him during the party.
Many commenters supported her, saying she was not unreasonable and that her boyfriend’s behavior raised red flags.
One person wrote, “NTA [not the a——]. He was testing the waters to see if he can control you. And now he is trying to manipulate you. You did nothing wrong.”
Another added, “Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it shows you respect your own traditions.”
A third commenter suggested her boyfriend could have found alternatives: “Why couldn’t he come for the first few hours and leave when his kids got tired? Or find a babysitter and go alone? He had options he could have pursued.”
