Woman Refuses to Give Her Parents a Spare Key After They Keep Showing Up Unannounced

Independence can feel especially fragile when family expectations collide with personal boundaries, and sometimes even small requests can carry heavy emotional weight.

A woman recently turned to Reddit for advice after moving into her own apartment, explaining that she handled the entire process of securing the lease on her own and was proud of the milestone.

Not long after she settled in, her parents asked for a copy of her spare key. They framed it as a safety measure — something they wanted “just in case of emergencies.” Still, she declined, saying she preferred to keep her living space private.

She explained that her hesitation was rooted in past experience. When she had lived closer to her parents or shared access before, they sometimes showed up without notice. At times they would let themselves in or assume she was available simply because they were nearby.

Because of that history, she said, giving out a spare key didn’t feel comfortable. She felt it would blur boundaries she was intentionally trying to establish now that she was living on her own.

Her refusal, however, didn’t sit well with her parents. Rather than focusing on emergencies, they questioned why she wouldn’t trust them with something so minor and argued that parents should automatically have access to their child’s home.

She said she stayed calm and explained her reasoning again, emphasizing that she was capable of handling emergencies herself. If something serious happened, she could call them or reach out to building management.

What frustrated her most was that the issue wouldn’t stay settled. The conversation kept resurfacing, and her parents framed her refusal as a personal rejection rather than a boundary. Each time it came up, she said she responded the same way — calmly, without raising her voice or insulting them, but firmly saying no.

As the tension lingered, she began to question herself. Wanting reassurance, she asked the Reddit community if she was being unreasonable for wanting full control over who had access to her apartment.

Commenters overwhelmingly supported her decision, reinforcing her right to independence.

“If they want to pay some of the bills — and you want to accept that — only then do they get access,” one commenter wrote. “This is your space, your home. Not theirs.”

Another was even more blunt: “They don’t want a key — they want control.”