A 26-year-old woman turned to the internet for advice after a heated argument with her husband over her last name.
In a post on Reddit, she explained that she and her 27-year-old husband have been married for about six months, but she hasn’t legally changed her last name yet, “mostly because of work stuff.”
“Last week we had a fight about bills, and in the heat of it he said, ‘Maybe if you actually took my name, you’d take this marriage more seriously,’” she wrote.
The woman said she was “stunned” and asked him to explain what he meant.
“I asked him what that meant, and he said, ‘It’s just tradition, and you’re dragging your feet because you don’t respect me,’” she recalled.
After that argument, she began to question whether she wanted to change her name at all.
“Since then, I’ve decided I don’t want to change my name at all, not after he made it a test of loyalty,” she shared. She added that her husband is “furious” and told her she was “being petty and overreacting to one bad argument.”
“But honestly, it shook me that he equates my identity with respect for him,” she said.
The woman asked Reddit users if she was “overreacting” for “drawing this line in the sand” or if her feelings were justified.
Many commenters quickly supported her, saying her husband’s reaction was unfair.
“The only person not showing respect in your scenario is your husband. He doesn’t own you and you don’t need to change your identity to show him respect. I honestly think this is a red flag,” one person wrote. “Do not change your name unless you want to. It’s a pain, it’s expensive to change licenses and passports etc., and it adds no value to your marriage. You should only do it if/when you want to.”
Another commenter put it more bluntly: “Changing your name is a pain, especially when you need to change it back post-divorce. Tell him he’s welcome to take your name or he can get used to you having separate ones.”
