An expectant mother is questioning whether she handled things badly after choosing not to tell her sister about her pregnancy before announcing it to the whole family.
In a post on the AITAH subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that she and her husband are expecting a baby and are “really excited” about it. They agreed early on that they wanted to keep the news private until she reached the end of the first trimester.
“We decided to announce our pregnancy at Thanksgiving, when the whole family was together, so that we could tell everyone at once,” OP wrote. “I only told two people in my family, and I knew that they could keep a secret. Besides that, no one else knew.”
As soon as the couple shared the news, things took a turn.
“As soon as we made the announcement, one of my sisters broke down crying and was very upset,” OP explained. “She wanted to know first and was upset that I didn’t tell her, since she always told me about all her pregnancies first.”
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OP then clarified why she’d chosen not to loop her sister in ahead of time: she doesn’t trust her to keep things quiet.
According to OP, her sister is “a constant gossiper” who has spoiled big moments before. “I told her first that I got into graduate school, and she told my parents before I could, [and] she announced my engagement to my mom before I could,” she wrote. Because of that, OP and her husband decided it was best to keep the pregnancy news close until they felt secure about the baby’s health.
“I knew if I told her first, she would tell everyone in the family, and it would really upset me if I found out my whole family knew before I wanted them to,” OP said. “After she found out I didn’t tell her first at the dinner table, she full-on started crying.”
The situation escalated from there. OP said her sister went to other relatives during Thanksgiving and continued to sob and vent about not being told first.
“They were just overall agitated and crying, and made everyone at Thanksgiving upset,” OP wrote. “And honestly made me feel bad when we made the announcement.”
She ended her post by asking if she was wrong for not giving her sister a heads-up first, even though her sister had always shared her own pregnancy news with OP before telling others.
Many commenters rushed to reassure OP that she hadn’t done anything wrong. One person pointed out that OP had every right to control how and when she shared such personal news.
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“I would have called her out for her reaction and told her straight up that I will never tell her anything first because she’s a gossip and always spills the beans to the rest of the family,” the commenter wrote. “It doesn’t matter that she ‘told you first.’ You’re under no obligation to reciprocate. You get to share your good news in YOUR way, in YOUR own time.”
Another commenter agreed and suggested that the sister’s reaction was more about attention than hurt.
“She wanted to spread the news [because] she wants to make it about her,” they wrote. “She overreacted at Thanksgiving to get empathy and attention and make it about her. She’s horrible. I’m sorry.”
