A woman says she is at odds with her husband after his parents announced they expect the couple to pay for their move into a retirement community—a request she believes is both unreasonable and financially risky.
In a post shared on Reddit, the 45-year-old explained that her in-laws, both 65, recently made it clear they want to move into a retirement home and believe their son and daughter-in-law should cover the costs. While her husband, also 45, is inclined to agree—described by his wife as being “sensitive to his mother’s wishes”—she is firmly opposed.
The woman said she and her husband have worked hard to build a stable life for themselves and their two children, both of whom are on the autism spectrum. She worries that committing to such a large, ongoing expense could jeopardize their family’s financial security, especially given the possibility that their children may need lifelong support.
She also pointed out that her in-laws have never provided financial help to their son or his family and currently own two homes—one for themselves and another for their younger son, her husband’s brother. By contrast, she said her own parents have consistently helped the couple financially.
Beyond the money, the woman questioned whether the move is even necessary. According to her, both in-laws are healthy, active, and relatively young. She believes they are drawn more to the convenience of being “waited on” than to any genuine need for assisted living.
Even if such a move were warranted, she argued, her in-laws could fund it themselves by selling their home. However, she said they want to leave the property to their younger son, whom she believes would likely sell it quickly, leaving them with no home to return to.
“I am not ready to commit to this since our kids might need a lifetime of financial support due to being on the spectrum,” she wrote, adding that her husband’s brother does not face the same responsibilities.
Many Reddit commenters sided with the woman, though several directed their criticism at her husband. One user suggested that paying for his parents’ retirement would not earn him the approval he seems to be seeking, calling the younger brother “the golden child” and warning that no amount of sacrifice would ever be enough.
Others echoed that sentiment, saying the real issue lies within the marriage rather than with the in-laws. Commenters urged the couple to get on the same page and said it was unfair for the husband to put his wife in the position of being the “bad guy.”
Some users suggested practical boundaries, such as insisting the husband repay money the wife’s parents had contributed before offering financial support to his own parents. A few went further, advising the woman to make it clear that funding the retirement home could be a dealbreaker for the marriage.
Overall, the prevailing opinion among commenters was that the in-laws should be responsible for their own retirement expenses. As one person put it, the parents have long expected their son and daughter-in-law to manage independently—and they should do the same by using their own assets.
