Woman Says Mother-in-Law Is Moving Just 15 Minutes Away. Now She’s Worried ‘Our Lives Will Be Overrun’

A woman turned to the Reddit community for support after facing a challenging update in her already strained relationship with her overbearing mother-in-law.

What had once felt like a distant plan has suddenly become urgent: her mother-in-law is moving to their state, and much sooner than anyone expected.

She shared her frustration: “You all told me and she said it would be 1-2 years out. And it’s happening now.” Initially, the plan was for the mother-in-law to live about 30 minutes away, but now that distance has shrunk to 15 minutes—or even less.

Both she and her husband had made it clear their city was too close for comfort. “She specifically asked us if our city was too close. And we said yes, that’s too close. And she did not like that answer.”

Despite their boundaries, the mother-in-law brushed off their concerns. “Her response to this was ‘we don’t have to hang out,’” the woman explained, emphasizing the dismissive tone that has become all too familiar.

The couple is expecting a baby girl in just a few months, and the mother-to-be is already setting firm postpartum boundaries. “I will not be spending postpartum and mat leave with his mother while he’s working,” she declared.

At a recent dinner, she tried explaining to her husband why she feels the situation is invasive. “His mom is used to spending all her time with him when they visit,” she said, highlighting a longstanding dynamic.

Though he has told his mother not to coordinate her move around their lives or schedules, it hasn’t stopped her from doing exactly that. “That went in one ear and out the other,” she shared. “I can tell she wants to move to gain more control of his life and by proxy our life and our baby’s.”

She fears their family life will be dominated by his mother’s demands. “She expects 24/7 time with him/us. He doesn’t want that and neither do I.”

Adding to the frustration, the mother-in-law seems to dismiss their autonomy entirely. “It’s like she’s never seen us as adults in our day to day lives,” the woman said.

Her husband is reluctant to confront his mother directly because those conversations always deteriorate quickly. “Imagine a dramatic teenager throwing a temper tantrum,” she described. “She gets defensive, masks her behavior as ‘help’ or ‘concern,’ gives him the silent treatment, then yells at him, and inevitably says I’m controlling him and calls me names behind my back.”

Though she sympathizes with her husband’s emotional burden, she’s firm that avoiding the issue won’t work. “Boundaries need to be set or our lives will be overrun.”

In therapy, she was advised to ask her husband why setting boundaries with his mom is so difficult. His answer was sobering. “He wishes things were different but ultimately knows they will never change with his mom.”

To her, the behavior screams narcissism. “Anything that we want that she doesn’t somehow must be a her problem.”

The mother-in-law doesn’t seem to understand the need for space and privacy. “You can’t really tell someone that they are all encompassing/engulfing and take up 99.9% of your time when you’re with them.”

When she visits, the couple often sneaks away just to catch a breath. “My husband and I ‘escape’ through naps, and walks around our neighborhood to get away.” Time alone becomes a rare luxury. “To say we have more than 10 mins a day to ourselves when she visits is generous.”

Attempts to establish physical boundaries have also failed. “Some people are probably thinking ask her to stay in a hotel… oh we have and she still doesn’t leave until 9pm, or she just doesn’t go to the hotel.”

The woman admits that their inability to enforce boundaries has only made matters worse. “As you can tell we are pretty spineless.” Feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, she turns to the community for advice. “You warned us, and I’m feeling hopeless now.”

While they agree on the boundaries needed, enforcing them is where the struggle lies. “It’s the ‘communicating’ them. He doesn’t feel like he can because she doesn’t listen or she yells at him.”

The mother-in-law is known to manipulate situations to get her way. “She’s also so manipulative in getting what she wants whether that’s going around him and trying to triangulate us, or mask getting what she wants through gift giving.”

One commenter suggested the husband start therapy and prepare for resistance. “He should also prepare himself to not take the bait when she inevitably overreacts or flips out… you both need to be prepared to enforce consequences.”

The original poster appreciated the advice but noted the unpredictability makes it difficult. “She will cross a boundary out of nowhere. When she hasn’t before.”

Caught off guard, the couple often misses the chance to discuss incidents. “Then it’s like well the moment passed and we didn’t know this would be a problem.” Though they recognize boundaries are crucial, they’re still figuring out how to hold firm.