Woman Tells Husband He Doesn’t Get ‘Credit’ for Parenting ‘Only When Asked’

A woman is facing tension in her marriage after telling her husband that he doesn’t get “credit” for parenting their two young children.

The woman, a full-time nurse, shared on Reddit that she and her husband have a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old.

“I do most of the housework, meal planning, school forms, birthday gifts, and emotional labor that comes with keeping little humans alive and running a household,” she wrote.

Although she described her husband as a “loving” and “gentle” dad, she said he only steps in to help “when asked.”

“I still have to say things like: ‘Can you get the kids dressed? Can you put them to bed tonight? Can you take them out so I can get 30 minutes to myself without being physically climbed on?’” she explained.

When she raised the issue, her husband became “defensive,” replying, “I do help, I gave them a bath last night, didn’t I?”

While she told him she appreciated it, she also pointed out that “helping” doesn’t feel genuine when it has to be assigned like a chore.

“If I’m still the manager and he’s just waiting for instructions, that’s not equal parenting,” she said.

Her husband was “really hurt” by the comment and told her she made him feel like a “bad dad,” insisting he’s doing his best. She explained that she doesn’t “need perfection” — she needs “initiative.” However, he felt her words were “a really harsh way to put it” and has been “cold” toward her since.

When she asked Reddit users for their thoughts, many supported her perspective, saying her husband needs to take more responsibility without being prompted.

“The truth hurts. If you’re having to assign him tasks, you have another child,” one commenter wrote. “It doesn’t take a genius to know if your wife is working and doing the majority at home, she’s tired. Paloma Faith once said if you see a woman in your household doing the same act every day, it means that task needs to be done — you shouldn’t have to be asked, because that in itself is exhausting. Delegation is also a task.”

Another added, “By saying he is helping, he is already showing he believes it is your responsibility. You don’t want his help. You want his partnership in the responsibility.”