A woman is questioning whether she’s in the wrong for not wanting to cover grocery costs for her boyfriend’s children — and for refusing to change the way they split their finances.
The original poster (OP) shared on Reddit that she and her boyfriend have been together for two years and moved in together six months ago. Her boyfriend has two children — an 18-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son — who stay with them between one and three days each week.
OP owns the home they live in. Before her boyfriend moved in, they talked about how the household workload and expenses would increase with four people in the house. According to OP, her boyfriend promised that he would help more with chores and would cover the additional groceries and other costs when his kids were there.
She says she keeps a detailed budget that tracks her weekly, monthly and annual spending. Before they combined households, she walked her boyfriend through her finances. OP has no student loans, no car payment, no other debts and lives comfortably within her means. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, has two kids, a car payment and is openly anxious about money.
Although they earn roughly the same income, OP notes that, over the last two years, her boyfriend has received more raises and bonuses than she has. They maintain separate checking and savings accounts, but also contribute equally to a joint account, each depositing a fixed 50/50 amount every month.
That joint account is intended to cover the mortgage, property and school taxes, home insurance, utilities and groceries. Recently, though, OP noticed the balance dropping faster than expected. After looking more closely, she realized her boyfriend has been paying for his kids’ groceries out of the joint account instead of his personal account — contrary to what they’d agreed.
Now, he wants to revisit how they split their finances. While he hasn’t laid out a full proposal yet, OP says he feels he has less disposable income because of his kids and other bills, and believes their financial arrangement should change. OP is uncomfortable with this and asks if she’s wrong for not wanting to pay for his children’s groceries or adjust the split.
In the comments, many Reddit users sided with her, pointing out that the couple had already discussed finances before moving in together.
“NTA — On either question. You and he discussed this before they moved in,” one commenter wrote. “What was he doing before he moved in? Was he not supporting the children, paying rent, buying groceries, paying utilities? Is living with you more expensive — you didn’t say anything about charging him rent, just household expenses?”
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():focal(773x427:775x429):format(webp)/family-groceries-112625-01-a6f2c09375844ec29f92b0fe64f378c4.jpg)
The commenter added that OP is not responsible for her boyfriend’s children or his debts, including his car payment, and suggested that if he can’t afford their current arrangement, he may need to find a more affordable living situation.
Another person argued that what the boyfriend is really asking for is financial support for himself and his kids.
“He’s basically asking you to subsidize him and his kids,” they wrote. “Nope. This was the agreement before he moved in and I’d imagine he’s paying less now compared to when he lived separately. Maybe he needs a second job.”
A third commenter went even further, suggesting that the boyfriend should actually be contributing more than 50 percent, given that he brings two additional people into the household.
“NTA, of course he has less expendable income, that’s a reasonable outcome from the initial budget and for him having debt you don’t,” they said. “You were right to put it aside for an official budget meeting.”
They continued, “The question is not whether you’re the asshole for not wanting to pay for his kids’ food. The question is how does he possibly justify expecting you to change the budget so you cover the extra expenses for his children? 50/50 isn’t actually what you should be doing. He should be paying more.”
