A woman says she’s landed in the middle of a family feud over a closely guarded pasta recipe.
In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, she explained that when she married into her spouse’s family, she was given their “secret pasta and red sauce recipe” as a wedding gift — a big deal in a family where the dish is treated almost like an heirloom.
“Whenever there are family functions, we switch up who makes the recipe, each of us putting our own twist on it,” she wrote.
Over time, she became close to her spouse’s cousin, who she describes as a mentor and an excellent cook. Curious, she asked when it would be that cousin’s turn to make the famous pasta — only to learn that the cousin had never been given the recipe.
According to the original poster (OP), there’s a strict rule: the recipe is only passed down to family members who are married.
“She has asked for the recipe but keeps getting told, ‘when you get married,’ ” OP explained. The cousin is in her early 50s and has made it clear she has no interest in getting married.
Things came to a head while the two women were planning to make a big batch of the pasta for a holiday gathering in December.
“[She] asked if she could trade portions for something special she makes. I agreed but then thought to ask if she just wanted the recipe instead,” OP wrote. “She was born into the family. I don’t think there should be a restriction on a family recipe that requires you to get married. So I gave it to her.”
The fallout was immediate. OP says that once the rest of the family found out, her mother-in-law and aunts-in-law were furious, insisting the cousin hadn’t “earned” the recipe.
“One of the cousin’s married sisters blew up at me over text,” she wrote. “Father-in-law gets where I was coming from, but said it wasn’t my place. My spouse doesn’t care either way. But I earned myself the cold shoulder at Thanksgiving over this.”
Commenters on Reddit overwhelmingly sided with OP, saying the family’s rule was unfair and unnecessarily cruel.
“Listen, if the family is going to blow up Thanksgiving over a mean girl ‘tradition,’ so be it,” one person replied. “I would probably get together with Unmarried Cousin and have a good time with good food. Damn, that family is full of haters.”
Another commenter suggested the cousin was being punished for not living the way the older generation expected. “The elders must be punishing her for not meeting their expectations,” they wrote. “I say kudos to you for bringing the family secret to light. That is horrible to do to a family member, making her feel less than.”
Others called the rule outright discriminatory. “That’s a ridiculous, discriminatory tradition that punishes someone for not adhering to the ‘norm’ in the family,” one person commented. “Glad you did it.”
