Woman’s Partner Accuses Her of ‘Checking Out’ of Relationship for Taking 1-Hour Naps Before Work

Conflict in relationships doesn’t always arrive with a bang. Sometimes it creeps in through everyday routines—like mismatched schedules, uneven energy, and expectations that quietly harden into resentment.

That’s exactly what played out in a recent Reddit post, where one woman shared how her need for a daily nap had become a major point of tension with her partner.

A 30-year-old woman explained that she works from 2 p.m. to 11 p.m., while her 35-year-old non-binary fiancée typically works from 7 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Her fiancée also has a 4-year-old daughter, and the poster helps with childcare in the mornings before heading to work.

“They expect me to wake up at 6-ish to make her breakfast and be ready for the day,” she wrote. “I normally don’t mind, but some days, if not every day I work, I need an hour nap.”

After getting home around 11:30 p.m., she said she stays awake for another hour or so because her body is still “wired” from the shift. That means she often isn’t asleep until well after midnight—so she depends on a 45-minute to one-hour nap before work to function, describing herself as a “sleepy girl.”

Her partner, however, started voicing frustration—saying she slept “EVERY day” and was “never awake/around,” and describing feeling lonely. The poster disagreed with that portrayal, explaining that they nap together on shared days off and that she isn’t trying to disengage. She emphasized that her tiredness feels physical and unavoidable, saying she can even fall asleep sitting up when she’s pushed too far.

The situation felt heavier because she’s also in recovery and receiving mental health care. In her post, she shared that she was “2 months clean” from alcohol and working with a therapist and psychiatrist to manage ADHD and impulse control issues.

Worried the fatigue might be tied to medication, she brought it up with her psychiatrist—who advised her to “get more sleep.”

Even though both partners work similar weekly hours, the Reddit user felt the day-to-day load didn’t feel equal. She described her job as commute-heavy and “very pressure-centered,” while her partner works from home in a setting she sees as more relaxed. Still, she admitted she’d been carrying guilt for resting at all—even though she averages only about six hours of sleep before needing a nap.

By the end of the post, she questioned whether listening to her body made her selfish, asking if she was wrong for “napping because my body is literally forcing me to??”

Most commenters didn’t think so.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!!! After working until 11:00 you’re supposed to wake up early to make breakfast for your partner’s daughter before your partner goes to a WFM job? That’s a hella nope,” one person wrote, adding that it sounded like she was being treated like a “glorified live-in nanny.”

Another echoed the bigger issue: “You’re sleep deprived. People don’t understand second and third shift workers… They still need to sleep. Why can’t they make the breakfast since they can go to bed at a normal hour?”