19-Year-Old Wants to Go ‘Low Contact’ with Family After Years of Being Compared to Her More Extroverted Twin Sister

A 19-year-old woman says she is cutting back contact with her family after years of feeling like she could never meet their expectations.

On Monday, Aug. 4, she shared her story on Reddit’s AITAH forum. Growing up, she was constantly compared to her outgoing twin sister. Her parents made it clear her sister was the “ideal” she should copy. But she struggled in school and had trouble making friends.

Things changed after she started college and was diagnosed with autism. With that understanding, she was able to do better in school—eventually surpassing her sister academically.

“I found a place to live, got two good-paying jobs, and pay for everything myself,” she wrote. “My sister, on the other hand, spends all her money on alcohol and refuses to work because she says it would hurt her studies.”

But when she tried to share her achievements, her parents told her to stay quiet so she wouldn’t “upset” her sister. They defended her sister’s drinking and drug use as stress from school, and even accused her of “cheating” to get good grades.

“They still tell me to ‘be more like your sister’ and ‘be normal,’” she said. “She goes out partying every night, and they praise her for being social. I prefer to study in my room, and my dad uses that as proof she’s doing better.”

She said it has always been a competition—and one she can’t win. “No matter how well I do, it’s never as good as her. No matter how badly she does, it’s always better than me.”

The teen has now decided to go “very low contact” with her family to protect her mental health. “If they want me to be her, they can just have her,” she said. She admitted feeling guilty, since her father claims he pushes her so she will succeed. “Am I making the right choice?” she asked.

Many Reddit users supported her decision. One wrote, “NTA. Your mental health and happiness matter more than anything. Your parents suck. Live your best life.”

Another called it a “golden child/scapegoat” dynamic, saying her sister would always be defended, no matter what she did. “If your father really wanted you to succeed, he’d treat you the same as your sister and recognize your success,” the commenter said. “They gave you guilt to justify their toxic actions. Put it down and walk away.”