A woman invited her newly-widowed mother-in-law on a family vacation — but says it has turned into “an absolute disaster.”
She shared her story on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where people seek advice on interpersonal dilemmas.
The woman explained that she and her family are currently vacationing in Greece and had invited her husband’s mom to join them for part of the trip.
“She was widowed late last year, and we thought it would be a lovely break for her,” she said. “She’s close to our child (and we do not expect childcare at all) [and] we’ve paid for her flights and accommodation in a beautiful apartment.”
The issue, however, is that her mother-in-law has been moping throughout the trip.
“[…] All she has done is sit on her own, barely spoken to any of us and wallow in almost self-pity, making it really difficult for us to enjoy the first part of our family holiday,” the OP said.
“Frankly, I’ve found the whole first part of the trip exhausting, having to tread on eggshells the entire time,” she added. “I absolutely hate to sound selfish and thought we were doing the right thing, but it’s been an absolute disaster and I feel horrible.”
The woman said she had an “honest chat” with her mother-in-law the previous night, hoping the situation would improve, but nothing has changed.
“I feel awful even writing this, but need to get it off my chest,” the OP noted at the end of her post.
Some commenters sympathized with her, suggesting her mother-in-law shouldn’t have joined the vacation if she wasn’t ready to engage and enjoy it.
“If she wasn’t prepared to go and enjoy it then she should have stayed at home and declined your offer. Really selfish to go on someone’s holiday and spoil it,” one person wrote.
“I get it’s difficult being without her partner, but it sounds like she isn’t even trying,” added another.
Others argued that the OP should show more empathy for her mother-in-law’s grief.
“I’ve never lost someone close to me, thank God, but I imagine less than a year in grief is unpredictable and not linear. It’s disappointing to have a holiday affected, but handle it with grace and the thought that one day, you might be in her position,” one commenter said.
Another noted, “She’s not in a good headspace. It hasn’t even been a year, and she’s having new experiences without her husband. That hurts in a way I hope you don’t have to understand. Leave her to it. She needs space and not ‘chat’ from someone who doesn’t get grief. It can sneak up at the strangest moments. Go do your thing and enjoy your vacation.”
