Woman Says She Feels Like Her Boss Attacked Her ‘Personality’ After He Told Her to ‘Banter’ Less with Coworkers

A woman says she’s “really upset” after her boss criticized her for joining in on “office banter” — and she’s wondering whether she might be overreacting.

She shared her experience on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where people seek advice on interpersonal and workplace issues.

In her post, the woman explained that she recently had a review with her manager, who told her she should limit “joining in with office banter,” particularly with employees who report to her.

“I am naturally friendly and do have conversations with colleagues,” she admitted. “I feel that my colleagues respect me and find me approachable because of that.”

The original poster (OP) said her manager also criticized her “bubbiness,” suggesting it could be “restricting” her professionally.

“It’s just my personality, though!” the OP insisted.

“What he said hit me like a brick, and I’ve been really upset over the weekend at what feels like an attack on my personality,” she continued, noting that she works “very hard” and consistently “[hits] deadlines and targets without any problems.”

“Is he right, though?” she asked at the end of her post.

Several Mumsnet users responded that she should continue being herself, as long as she maintains professionalism.

“OP, as long as you are not saying anything unprofessional or crude, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I would keep an eye on workplace toxicity, though. Don’t stop being yourself,” one commenter advised.

“It’s never a healthy thing to repress your personality, so continue to be who you actually are,” added another. However, they also noted that becoming too friendly with direct reports could backfire, as some employees might take it “as a signal that it’s okay to slack off a bit.”

Another user suggested the OP seek clarification from her supervisor:

“A certain level of banter is healthy. I’d ask for a further chat with [your] manager to drill down what they really mean,” they wrote.