Woman in Wheelchair Can’t Attend Book Club Meeting at Stairs-Only Home. Other Members Still Expect Her to Pay for Snacks

A 31-year-old woman recently turned to Reddit for advice after a dispute with her longtime book club over accessibility and fairness.

In her post, she explains that she has been part of an eight-member group since 2019. The club has always rotated hosting duties, and one member, referred to as K, typically hosted most often because of her inviting patio and comfortable setup.

However, things changed after the woman began using a wheelchair following an accident two years ago. “The problem: K’s place is up a flight of 14 narrow stairs with no railing on one side,” she writes. Since there’s no alternate entrance or way to install a ramp in the rented property, the group had been meeting in more accessible public places when it was K’s turn to host.

That compromise seemed to work—until recently. “This month, K said she ‘misses hosting at home’ and dropped her address in the group chat with, ‘We’ll make a Zoom link for OP,’ ” the poster explains. She immediately replied, suggesting that the group pick a venue everyone could access.

“I’m happy to meet, but I’d rather we choose a space I can actually get into,” she recalls, offering solutions such as hosting herself, reserving a free community room, or sharing the cost of a café booking. K, however, insisted on hosting at her home again.

“K said she’s tired of making exceptions and that it’s her turn, her house,” the woman writes. Things got worse when K proposed that someone could “carry” her up the stairs — an idea the poster found both unsafe and demeaning.

The disagreement divided the group. “Two people backed me straight away. Two said nothing. One person said I’m ‘dictating the group’ and that Zoom is good enough,” she says. K maintained that the woman could either join virtually or skip the meeting altogether.

Then came another point of contention: “K said I can join online or skip, but she still expects the usual $15 contribution for wine and snacks since that’s what we always do.” The woman refused, saying, “I’m not paying for a meeting I physically can’t attend, and I’m not Zooming into something that’s meant to be social when there’s an easy alternative.”

She offered to host next month to keep things fair but has since received mixed reactions. “Now I’m getting side messages saying I’m being dramatic and that we’ve always gone to K’s,” she writes, torn between preserving the friendship and standing up for herself.

“I don’t want to blow up a friend group over one night, but it feels ridiculous to ask me to pay for a party I can’t get into,” she concludes, asking the Reddit community: “Am I wrong for pushing for an accessible venue again and refusing to pay for that meeting?”

In the discussion thread, some commenters sympathized with both perspectives. One wrote, “I understand your situation, BUT you should understand K as well. You are not alone in the group, and other people’s opinions and needs also need to be respected.” They added that K’s desire to host in her own home “for once in two years” wasn’t unreasonable.

Others disagreed, saying the payment expectation crossed the line. “Expecting her to pay is completely unreasonable here,” one commenter replied.

As of now, the original poster continues to weigh her options, hoping to resolve the situation without creating a lasting rift in the group.