Daughter Says Mom Is ‘Not Entitled’ to Christmas with Her Grandchild After Refusing to Celebrate for 25 Years

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after a holiday dispute reopened old wounds from childhood.

She said her parents separated when she was nine, and although custody was initially shared equally, her mother chose to step away from actively parenting. Growing up, her mom took the kids for alternating Christmases, but the woman felt those visits were more about getting back at her dad than celebrating. She described those holidays as hollow, while her father worked hard to make Christmas warm and joyful. By the time she and her siblings were older teens, their mother had stopped celebrating Christmas with them altogether.

She also recalled that attempts to find a middle ground went nowhere. The woman said she and her siblings asked their mom to spend Christmas Eve with them, but she refused, choosing instead to be with her best friend and that friend’s daughter. According to the poster, her mom often refers to that girl as a daughter more than her own children.

Those experiences shaped how she handles the holidays now. At 33, and a mother herself, she planned a Christmas lunch centered around the family members who had consistently shown up for her: her dad, stepmom, and siblings.

But things escalated when her sister-in-law “accidentally” invited her mother to the gathering. The poster said the invite sparked immediate tension, especially when her sister-in-law insisted it would mean a lot for her mom to celebrate with her granddaughter.

The woman wasn’t comfortable with that. She offered a different plan: her mother could come on Christmas Eve instead. To her, that provided a chance to connect without disrupting the day she had carefully arranged.

She also worried that having both parents together would derail everything. She described her mom and dad as “both immature” and believed a shared holiday would almost certainly lead to conflict and “ruin the vibe of Christmas.” After 25 years of her mother choosing not to spend Christmas with her, she didn’t feel her mom was suddenly entitled to a place at the main celebration.

Her sister-in-law continued to push back, downplaying the issue and suggesting the poster might look unreasonable from the outside. Some commenters focused on that dynamic, arguing that the sister-in-law had overstepped and should be the one to retract an invitation she hadn’t been authorized to give.

Later, the poster added more context. She said her brother was fine with either parent attending and had been content with their long-standing traditions. She felt the real issue was personal: her sister-in-law doesn’t like her dad and resents holidays hosted by him because they spotlight her brother’s side of the family rather than her own. The woman also noted that her sister-in-law’s family doesn’t gather for Christmas, which she believed made her even more determined to shape someone else’s holiday.

In the end, the poster stayed firm. She said she wanted a peaceful, predictable Christmas for her daughter and wasn’t willing to let past family conflict take over her home.