Dad Refuses to Help Ex-Wife’s Husband on a Side Job After the Man ‘Disrespects My Trade’

A father is wondering whether he crossed a line after refusing to do free electrical work for his ex-wife’s new husband.

In a post on Reddit’s Am I the A——?, the man said he’s a union electrician who shares custody of three children with his ex-wife. He added that while co-parenting has improved, their divorce last year was difficult — and she has since remarried a man he calls “Brad.”

The conflict started a few weeks ago at their daughter’s volleyball game. Brad, who also works in the trades, began making comments about unions — including a remark that “real tradesmen don’t need to be in” one. The poster said Brad made the comment while he was wearing a shirt with his union logo.

He explained that Brad does smaller, non-union IT and data network jobs and is self-employed. The poster said he stayed calm and didn’t respond.

Later, his ex-wife called unexpectedly and said Brad needed help with a panel at one of his job sites. According to the poster, she asked if he could “just swing by” and take a quick look, saying it would only take a few minutes and he’d only need his tools briefly.

The man said he told her he charges everyone the same rate — and that he can’t take informal side jobs because of union rules. If he does the work, he said, it has to go through his shop.

His ex-wife pushed back, asking if he was really going to “force this issue” with her husband. He replied that Brad could either hire his own subcontractors or “pay me like everyone else does.”

Now, the two are arguing. The man said his ex-wife believes he’s being petty and creating unnecessary tension because he’s upset that Brad “lives with the kids.” He disagreed, writing that he’s not obligated to provide free labor to someone who disrespected his trade.

He asked commenters whether he was wrong for refusing to work for free, even if it makes co-parenting more awkward.

In the comments, many people said he wasn’t in the wrong. One person argued that if Brad truly believes union workers aren’t necessary, he shouldn’t be trying to get help from one. Another suggested Brad may want the benefit of a union electrician’s work without paying for it. Others also pointed out that taking side work could put the poster at odds with his union — and that Brad’s earlier comments make it unreasonable to expect a favor.