Dad Admits He Feels ‘Used’ After His Wife Doesn’t Split Parenting Duties Equally. Now, He Wants to Make Her ‘Do Her Part’

A father says he can’t shake the feeling that he’s carrying more than his share of the parenting and household load — and he’s not sure how to address it without turning the situation into a scorecard.

In a Reddit post, the dad explained that he and his wife have a 3-year-old son who is “very easy to take care.” Both parents work, but he said his job is less flexible even though he works from home, while his wife’s in-person job offers more flexibility.

He laid out their usual routine: he makes breakfast while his wife gets their son ready in the morning. He manages both drop-off and pick-up. His wife handles dinner. After that, he takes care of bath time and bedtime prep, and she puts their son to sleep. He also said he does most of the cleaning around the house.

That routine shifted about a week ago, after his wife said their setup had become difficult for her because their son often ends up in their bed — and it was affecting her sleep. They agreed to swap some responsibilities: he would take over bedtime, and she would take on more of the housework in the evenings.

But according to the dad, the new arrangement hasn’t played out as planned. He said he’s been putting their son to bed, but his wife hasn’t consistently followed through on her end. He claimed she cleaned the house and kitchen on the first day, but after that, the cleanup stopped — including not loading the dishwasher.

He described the situation as “frustrating,” saying he wakes up early to make breakfast only to find the kitchen messy. While he acknowledged that “keeping count” can be toxic, he said he’s trying to figure out how to split responsibilities more evenly. He added that when he brings it up, “she lashes out.”

He asked other Reddit users, “How can I make her do her part?” He also said he’s starting to feel “burned out” and asked, “What do I do?”

Some commenters suggested making responsibilities rotate on different days so the division feels more balanced over time. One person recommended switching specific tasks day-by-day, noting that certain things — like sleep routines — may still need to stay with the parent who handles them best, but should be openly negotiated.

Others suggested the wife may be feeling overwhelmed too, and encouraged the couple to focus less on assigning blame and more on talking about capacity and burnout. One commenter said it can be normal for household standards to drop during difficult stretches, and argued that aiming for perfect 50/50 all year isn’t realistic — especially with a young child. They encouraged the dad to aim for “good enough” on hard days and remember that things often get easier as kids grow.

Another commenter was more direct, saying the dad may need to accept that responsibilities won’t ever be evenly split in a perfectly symmetrical way. They pointed out that differences in work schedules, energy, health, and stress can all affect what each person can handle — and said it can be easier to approach it as both partners doing what they can, even when the workload feels lopsided.