Dad Notices Son Isn’t in His Usual ‘Cheerful Mood.’ Then He Learns the Surprising Reason Why

A father is asking for guidance on how to support his 10-year-old son, who is feeling pressured by his mother’s insistence on perfection.

In a post shared on the parenting subreddit, the dad, 30, explained that he and his ex-partner, 28, separated when their son was about a year old and now share custody. One day, he noticed that his son seemed unusually quiet after coming home from school.

When he asked what was wrong, the boy admitted he had scored six out of twelve on a state capitals quiz. “Basically, he failed the test,” the father wrote, explaining that they study 12 states per week. “I told him, ‘That just means we’ll study a bit more for the next one. Maybe reading them off the map isn’t enough—we can try finding fun facts to help you remember.’”

The child began to cry, telling his dad, “It’s just that Mom said I always have to get 100% on all my tests.”

The father said he was frustrated but kept calm for his son. He described his ex as someone who “never shows up to parent-teacher conferences” but still demands academic perfection. He added that his son is actually excelling — doing math at a seventh-grade level and reading at a sixth-grade level despite only being in fifth grade.

The dad said it “pains” him to see his son disappointed in himself because of those unrealistic expectations. He also feels stuck, knowing that confronting his ex about the issue would likely make things worse. “I don’t want to say anything that turns my son against his mom,” he explained.

Many commenters on Reddit offered supportive advice. One wrote that reassuring his son and encouraging balance isn’t “anti-mom rhetoric.”

“It’s fine to aim for 100%, but what he really needs is praise for effort,” they said. “If he scores lower, go over what he got right and what he can improve, instead of focusing on perfection. Otherwise, she’s setting him up to hate both studying and her.”

Another user empathized, saying the situation sounded “really upsetting.” They advised the father to keep reinforcing his son’s confidence and helping him view mistakes as part of learning.

“You don’t have to say anything negative about his mom,” they added. “Just make your home a safe space where he feels comfortable sharing. The fact that he opened up to you about how he feels is huge. Tell him you’re proud he shared his feelings.”