First-Time Mom Worries She’ll Never Feel ‘Normal’ Again Over a Year After Welcoming Baby, Asks What Age She’ll Feel ‘Less Lost’

A 36-year-old mom is asking other moms when she will start feeling like herself again after having kids.

On the Parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that she’s a first-time mom with a 17-month-old son. She decided to quit her job and stay home with the baby because she doesn’t want to leave him with a nanny while he’s so young.

OP said her husband works from home and can help during the day. She added that she only gets help from her mom and sister a couple of times a month.

“[We’re] only able to have some help watching the baby from my mom and sister a couple of times a month since my sister’s super busy and my mom can’t really take care of a toddler on her own since she has some nerve damage issues on her arms,” she wrote. “They do live about 40 mins away so for emergencies, we can call them.”

As her son grows, OP said she feels “a little bit more relaxed” with parenting. She explained that her son is transitioning from “the scarily fragile newborn he used to be” to a “more robust” toddler, and she’s starting to get some free time for herself. Even with this time, she wondered when other moms started feeling like themselves again.

“I came from high pressure, fast-paced jobs and I don’t understand how I can barely keep up with my chores,” she wrote. “My hope is to go back to financially contributing to our household by starting a small business.”

The mom said she’s thinking about preschool tuition and the changing needs of her growing son. She hopes to move from “financial survival mode” to a place with more flexibility. She also wants to “start restoring some sense of identity for myself” with the business. But OP is worried it might be hard when her “head’s so fuzzy all the time.”

She asked other moms to share their experiences about when they felt “normal, grounded, or less lost” after having a baby.

Many commenters offered advice about putting herself first and taking care of herself. One user said getting full nights of sleep was a game changer.

“I’d say the game changer is getting consistent full nights of sleep,” the user wrote. “My oldest is 7. I also have a 4 and 2 year old. I didn’t feel like myself when my oldest was 2, but I do with my youngest being 2.”

“I’ve had periods of feeling like myself but consistently now that all of them sleep through the night I feel more normal,” she added.

Another user said that returning to yourself is a gradual process.

“It’s a gradual change,” the commenter wrote. “Started around when they became what I call ‘voice-controlled’ at about three. Feeling fully myself maybe at 10, 11?”

She also noted that caring for little ones is a “mind-numbingly boring routine” that requires “constant vigilance and fast-paced work.”

“Taking care of the tiny ones is at the same time mind-numbingly boring routine (sorry, but it is) and requires constant vigilance and fast-paced work. It takes a lot of brain energy,” she wrote. “In hindsight, trying to take on other projects at the same time was dumb.”

Another mom shared that she never fully felt “normal,” even with her son in his 20s.

“You are all better than me. My son is in his 20s, and I don’t feel ‘normal’ or unstressed. I am always worried about him, even though [he’s] a kind man now with a good job, and I am still working hard to help him have a better life than I did,” she wrote.

This user suggested OP redefine what “normal” means for herself.

“I think the question is what is normal to you, [because] the you before kids never comes back when you are a mom,” she said. “It’s easier to have a routine when they go to school for sure. Get a good night’s sleep and try having a once-a-week ‘mommy time’ to do something you love because self-care is important.”