Her Boyfriend Says She Can’t Work New Year’s Shift. She Says It’s Not His Call. Now Their Relationship Is on the Rocks

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after a tense disagreement with her boyfriend about working over New Year’s at her new job — and whether choosing work over their tradition made her a bad partner.

After a difficult year that included illness and six months of unemployment, she said landing a casual bartending job felt like a major step forward.

“I recently started a new casual job as a bartender after being unemployed for about 6 months due to illness,” she wrote, adding that returning to work felt especially meaningful now that she was healthy again.

The job quickly became a bright spot, largely because of the people around her. “Everyone I work with is kind, supportive, and we all get along really well,” she explained, saying that sense of support mattered after such a challenging stretch.

Because the bar stays open on public holidays, she knew holiday shifts were part of the role — and, as the newest employee, she didn’t feel comfortable asking for everything off. “Since I’m new, I personally don’t feel it’s fair for me to book off all the holidays,” she said.

She noted she’d already secured time off for Christmas. “I already have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, but I’ll most likely be working New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day,” she wrote.

Her boyfriend, however, pushed back hard. “Every time I mention that I’ll probably be working New Year’s, he straight up says things like ‘no, you’re not working those days,’ ” she said — a response that made her feel as though her decision didn’t count.

She tried explaining her reasoning, saying she wanted to be fair to her coworkers and prove she was a reliable team member. “I tried explaining that I don’t think it’s fair to my coworkers and that I want to be a good team member,” she wrote.

But when the conversation kept escalating, she stopped engaging. “After he kept getting upset, I honestly just stopped engaging and avoided the conversation,” she said.

The couple has been together for three years and, she explained, they’ve spent every Christmas and New Year’s together during that time. Even so, she said New Year’s itself isn’t especially important to her. “New Year’s has never been a huge deal to me personally,” she wrote.

What mattered more, she said, was protecting the stability she’d just regained — and not jeopardizing her position now that she was back on her feet.

As the holiday got closer, she felt the issue becoming unavoidable. “Now that New Year’s is getting closer, I know I can’t avoid the conversation anymore,” she admitted, adding that she’d begun questioning herself: “starting to question myself and wonder if I’m being a bad girlfriend.”

She ended her post by asking for outside perspective: “Am I in the wrong here?”

In the comments, many users sided with her, saying it’s common for newer employees to work major holidays. One commenter wrote, “It’s normal in a new job, especially when you have not been there 1 year, to work those days,” adding they were surprised she already had Christmas off.

Others acknowledged that her boyfriend might be disappointed because of their tradition — but still felt his reaction was out of line. One commenter wrote, “I understand that this is a tradition between you and your partner and that he’s upset,” while adding that he could still make plans with friends or family.

Several people also praised her approach at work. “I actually think your attitude to fairly split holiday shifts with co-workers is a nice thing to do,” one commenter said, while another pointed out that many jobs require holiday coverage, including Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Eve.