Grieving Wife Wants to Travel to Hawaii, but Her Husband Doesn’t Think It’s ‘Fair’ for Her to Go Alone

When fertility treatments don’t work, it can feel like life slams to a halt while everyone else keeps moving forward.

After a recent in vitro fertilization (IVF) attempt failed, one woman turned to Reddit to share how emotionally and physically drained she feels — and how a simple invitation from friends has now turned into a relationship dispute.

“I’ve been dealing with things since April and finally gave up,” she wrote, explaining that after months of trying, she’s reached her limit.

She still has three weeks of unused paid time off this year, and friends who live in Hawaii kindly offered to host her for a week. What was meant as a chance to rest and reset, however, has created unexpected tension with her spouse.

According to her post, her husband “doesn’t think it’s fair since he doesn’t have time off to go,” as he already used his single week of PTO earlier in the year for a staycation.

For her, the trip isn’t about an extravagant vacation — it’s about getting a moment to breathe after heartbreak. She emphasized that she plans to keep it modest and budget-friendly: “I have 3 weeks of PTO left to use for the rest of the year,” she wrote, adding that she wants to travel “as cheap as possible.”

She also noted that having her husband join her would significantly raise costs: they’d need a hotel, probably a rental car, and overall expenses would climb — all things she’s hoping to avoid.

Beneath the travel logistics is a larger issue: how to prioritize personal healing while still honoring the needs and feelings of a partner in marriage.

Many Reddit users rushed to reassure her that her desire to go alone was reasonable — and that it’s okay for partners to have separate experiences.

“I have a deep dislike for the ‘I won’t, so you can’t either’ folks,” one commenter wrote. “Your spouse is allowed to have a life outside you!!”

Another user suggested her husband’s reaction might be less about missing out and more about resentment: “A good partner would support you doing something for your mental health, and it doesn’t sound like he’s sad he’s missing out (since he doesn’t want a trip like this) but rather he just doesn’t want you to have a nice time if he can’t?”

They added a stark warning: “If so, your memories of the trip might last longer than the relationship.”

Not everyone agreed, though. Some commenters sided with the husband, pointing out that this isn’t just any getaway.

“Hawaii is a pretty big trip and on a lot of people’s bucket lists. While he may not be big on travel, Hawaii is not just any destination,” one person wrote.

“If I was in your spouse’s position, I’d be pretty upset and pissed that my partner is going to Hawaii without me,” they added, highlighting just how emotionally loaded some trips can feel in a relationship.