Husband Refuses to Buy New Car Unless Stay-at-Home Wife Gets a Job. Now She’s Giving Him the Silent Treatment

A man turned to the Reddit community for advice after a heated argument with his wife about whether it was time to buy a new car. He says the fight left him feeling like “the responsible villain” in their marriage, while his wife seems like “the happy go lucky one that has no care in the world.”

The husband explains that his wife is a stay-at-home mom to their two children, aged 15 and 13. “I handle most of the budgeting and finances, but I try to involve her. She says she’s ‘not interested,’” he says.

He describes their financial situation as comfortable, thanks to his careful spending and the fact that they live in a city with a low cost of living. “My wife is the spender between us. It seems she’s always pushing the limits and wants to spend more on lifestyle,” he writes, listing makeup, eyelashes, haircare, nails, waxing, and other beauty treatments as examples.

To stay fair, they set a monthly budget of $800 each for personal spending. “She always uses hers up, then wants me to pay for takeout or buy her things on Amazon because ‘I don’t even spend much,’ ” he explains.

In contrast, he saves his money for bigger purchases like a Kindle or a new bike and enjoys hobbies that cost little, like gardening and hiking.

He says he tried to explain that it’s not fair for her to use his personal money just because she spent all of hers. But the real conflict started after they paid off their mortgage. “She said, ‘Good, now we can buy a new car,’ ” he recalls.

He refused. “I said that money is going towards our investment accounts so we can have a comfortable retirement,” he explains. Early retirement and traveling the world have been shared goals for them. “When we met, we always talked about retiring early and traveling, and we still have regular conversations about it,” he says.

But his wife disagreed. She called him a “tight-wad” and argued that saving so much didn’t make sense if “we can die tomorrow.” He didn’t agree, especially since their cars — a 2017 and a 2014 — are paid off and still work well.

When she insisted the cars were “old,” he finally snapped. “I told her, ‘fine, we can buy a new car once you get a job and you’ve been working for at least a year,’ ” he says. This made his wife furious. She called him an “a——” and a “cheapskate,” leaving him feeling misunderstood for trying to plan for their future.

He stood his ground, reminding her that their kids will soon start college. “I told her, look, I only want what’s best for our future. The kids will be starting college soon, and we need to save more for that too,” he explains. He adds that after the kids are in college, they could buy a nice used car with cash if they save now.

Still, his wife wasn’t convinced and started giving him the silent treatment, leaving him feeling isolated. “I feel like I’m the responsible villain and she is the happy go lucky one that has no care in the world,” he admits.

For context, the man says he earns $140,000 a year, and both he and his wife are in their mid-30s. He shares that she has never had a job, dedicating her adult life to being a stay-at-home mom. Paying off the mortgage was a big milestone for him. “Paying off the mortgage to me is a huge relief, and I want to put that extra money to good use,” he writes.

The tension grew when one Reddit commenter pointed out a flaw in his wife’s “we can die tomorrow” argument. The commenter wrote, “Am I the only one who read that and thought she missed the point? Sole breadwinner dies, what’s left? Savings.”

The husband agreed. “That’s true, I would’ve pointed it out if I [had] caught it,” he says. “Makes a great point. I only want what’s best for our future,” he emphasizes, holding firm that saving for retirement and their children’s college is more important than getting a new car right now.