Husband Refuses to Take Care of Baby When She Cries. Now, His Wife Is Calling Him Out for Not Doing ‘Any Actual Parenting’

A new mom has turned to the internet for support, saying her husband avoids “any actual parenting” when it comes to their baby girl.

In a post on the parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) explained that she is struggling to get her husband to help put their 6-month-old daughter to sleep. She said that whenever the baby starts to cry or fuss, he quickly hands their daughter back to her.

“He says he doesn’t like when she cries (actual tears) and doesn’t want her to associate crying with him,” she wrote. “He also said it will be easier for him to put her to sleep when she’s older — even just at a year, which is 6 months from now.”

According to OP, her husband has barely attempted bedtime since their daughter was 2 months old.

“Since she was two months old I don’t think he’s gotten her to sleep or really tried more than two or three times,” she continued. “I think the only time he tried was when I went to book club last month and I had to come home early because she wouldn’t stop crying.”

The mom said she believes their baby cries with her father at bedtime because she simply isn’t used to him being the one to settle her. Apart from one relative, OP said she is the only person who regularly puts their daughter down to sleep.

“I don’t agree with his logic. I feel like if she’s never gone to sleep for him, she’s not magically going to when she turns a year old,” she wrote. “I don’t really know what to do. I feel like I’m the only one doing any actual parenting and he just gets to play with her sometimes.”

In the comments, many Reddit users weighed in with concern and advice. One person suggested that her husband might benefit from structured guidance.

“First, I’m so sorry. Second, I would recommend he take some parenting classes,” they said. “My guess is he has never been around babies before having one? If that is not the case, then his behavior is a huge red flag.”

They added that while some babies are genuinely tough to settle, that doesn’t excuse opting out of parenting.

“I totally understand some babies can be very difficult to get to sleep, but if that is not the case he needs to figure out how to be a father,” they wrote. “We have 5 kids and every one was totally different, my [7-year-old] still to this day only wants me to put her to bed if I’m home. But my husband has always been ready, able and willing to do bedtime with each of the kids.”

Another commenter recommended approaching the husband with empathy while still being clear about the impact on OP.

“Sometimes, taking an empathic approach can have more impact,” they suggested. “What you could say is that you understand it is heartbreaking to hear your child cry; you feel it, too. Let him know your exhaustion from caring for her all day in addition to being the only one to soothe her at night is very taxing, too.”

They advised OP to encourage her husband to start small.

“Ask him if he can at least try small incremental attempts to soothe her at night, so the baby and him can get to a level of comfort together,” they wrote. “Let him know the baby will actually bond even more with him during this transition period. It may seem like hand-holding, but it’s a way in which to validate his feelings while also getting him to a place where he accepts the responsibility, too.”