A 25-year-old woman is questioning her relationship after discovering that her boyfriend asked a friend to send her flirty messages to test her loyalty — and then told her she failed.
She explained on Reddit that she has been dating her 28-year-old boyfriend for nearly two years and believed everything was going well. But last week, one of his friends — someone she barely knows — suddenly reached out to her on Instagram.
The conversation started innocently, with the friend saying he spotted her at a concert and complimenting her outfit. She responded politely and briefly at first. However, after a few messages, his tone shifted to flirtatious. She says she didn’t flirt back, but she also wasn’t rude, instead offering short acknowledgments like “haha thanks.”
Soon after, her boyfriend confronted her, accusing her of failing his “loyalty test.” He admitted he had asked his friend to flirt with her to see how she would react. According to him, she should have blocked his friend immediately instead of “entertaining” the conversation.
The woman expressed that the entire setup felt manipulative, but her boyfriend responded by saying that if she truly loved him, she wouldn’t be upset.
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Seeking clarity, she turned to Reddit users for advice — and the overwhelming response sided with her. Commenters pointed out that trust should not require secret tests or staged scenarios.
“If someone has to manufacture betrayal to feel secure, they’re not looking for love, they’re looking for control,” one person wrote. “You didn’t fail the test. The relationship did.”
Another user noted that this kind of behavior likely wouldn’t stop: “Even if you had passed his test, he would have tested you again in the future, looking for a new way for you to fail. That kind of insecurity doesn’t go away.”
Others suggested the boyfriend might be projecting his own questionable behavior: “They are likely the one flirting or having some type of connection outside of the relationship,” a commenter said.
