A husband says he told his wife he doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving at her family’s home this year — and she’s not happy about it.
In a post on Reddit, the 34-year-old explained that he recently told his wife he’d rather skip her family’s annual holiday gathering, which he described as a “huge thing.”
Each year, he wrote, more than 30 relatives are “crammed into one house,” with “everyone yelling over each other” and rehashing the same old arguments.
“It’s honestly just exhausting,” he said.
The man, who works full-time while also going to school, added that by the time Thanksgiving arrives, he’s usually “running on fumes.” This year, he shared, “I just wanted one peaceful day. No driving, no loud chaos, no politics.”
Instead, he suggested a quieter alternative: “I suggested that we just stay home, cook a smaller dinner together, and actually relax for once with the kids,” he wrote.
But his wife “immediately got upset,” he said, and accused him of “being selfish,” insisting that spending the day with her family is “tradition.” He even offered that she could go without him, but she said that would feel “weird.”
“They’re nice people, it’s just… a lot,” he added. “I just want a quiet day at home to breathe.”
Many commenters on Reddit felt his request was reasonable. “30 is a lot of people and noise and if you’re running on empty it’s a lot,” one person wrote, while also acknowledging that they could see why his wife wanted to be there.
“Thanksgiving is for extended family and she wants to celebrate with them,” the commenter added, suggesting the couple might consider creating some of their own traditions, too.
Others weighed in that compromise was key, with one user saying the wife should “learn to compromise,” and another arguing that missing a single holiday “shouldn’t be the end of the world.”
Some commenters shared their own experiences with skipping family gatherings, including one person who said it’s normal in their circle for some relatives to attend regularly and others to come only occasionally.
“It’s not weird in my family, or my husband’s,” they wrote. “In both there are a few who always, or at least almost always, show up and a few who rarely make an appearance, and most of us fall somewhere in between.”
Another Redditor summed up their view by challenging the idea that tradition must be followed at all costs: “Tradition shouldn’t equal obligation. Sometimes, you just need to enjoy your family time alone and that’s OK.”
