Mom Asks How to Help Husband Feel Less ‘Distant and Uninvolved’ with Newborn, Fears Baby May Be ‘Wedging a Block’ Between Them

A mom of two is seeking advice on helping her husband bond with their newborn.

In a post on the parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP), 27, shared that she and her 33-year-old husband recently welcomed their second child, a son, joining their 2-year-old daughter. OP revealed that her husband has been feeling “very distant and uninvolved” with their newborn compared to their first child.

“My husband has been primarily taking care of our toddler while I handle the baby, and it has felt like two separate jobs instead of two parents caring for two kids together,” the mom wrote. “I’ve tried to involve my husband and daughter with the baby more, like bringing him into the living room for feeds, but he quickly falls back asleep and prefers to stay in the room.”

She added, “I am quickly separated from the family when the baby cries and needs a feed or a diaper change, and it makes me feel bad I can’t just hang out with them. My husband hasn’t fed the baby yet, has changed only a handful of diapers—not because he doesn’t want to, but because he’s constantly busy with our other child—and hasn’t really gotten to hold him much.”

The mom went on to say that she feels the situation is “wedging a block between us,” noting that it’s affecting their relationship.

“I don’t want him to become detached from me or the baby, and I don’t want [my] daughter to feel like I’m not giving her attention,” she explained. At the time of posting, her husband was planning to take their toddler to the park while she stayed home with the baby. “I said I don’t want to [and] that I would rather go to the park with my family.”

OP concluded by asking if her husband’s feelings of distance are likely to fade and sought advice on how to improve the situation.

Many commenters offered support and guidance. One user emphasized the importance of patience and time, noting that the family is still adjusting.

“I think time is the factor you need here. It’s only been a week! You’re still healing. Your newborn is still so squishy and small. You both need time to firm up,” the commenter wrote. “You and your baby need way more rest than your husband and daughter. They can take care of each other for a little while, and then you can gradually merge the whole family together once everyone is more on the same level.”

They added, “Your concern over your husband’s feelings is wonderful, and I’m sure he can see that you’re taking them seriously and working toward making everyone feel connected. You’re doing a great job!”

Another commenter shared their own experience with two children, acknowledging the early struggles but emphasizing the joys that come later.

“The first few months of #2 were rough for us. My husband took the baby sometimes later in the evening and in the morning for a couple of hours so I could get more sleep,” they wrote. “He babywore and cared for our older child during those times.”

“There were moments where he really wished we hadn’t had a second kid. Our second is now 2.5, and while we still face challenges, overall we love having two kids,” the user added. “We even took them to another country back in February and had an amazing time. We go on walks as a family and spend lots of time together.”

Another commenter reassured OP that her husband’s feelings are common, noting that parenting comes in seasons.

“I think that’s definitely normal. There are seasons to parenting, and they’re different with each child,” they wrote. “Keep trying to involve him when you can, switch duties, and take over the toddler for him. You’re still healing too, so it’s expected to take it easy and be there for the baby. You guys will find your flow in time!”