Mom Is Missing Her ‘Very Easy and Chill’ Child-Free Life While Revealing She’s ‘Feeling So Drained’

A mother is turning to other parents for support after admitting she isn’t enjoying the day-to-day demands of parenting.

In a post on the toddlers subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that she often misses life before having a child, describing her pre-mom routine as “very easy and chill.” The mom, whose daughter is nearly 3, said she used to spend her evenings after work connecting with her husband, exercising, and focusing on self-care. Since becoming a parent, she feels those parts of her life have largely disappeared.

“The first year of motherhood was tough, but I was very motivated to do everything by the book,” she wrote. “After she turned one, things became a constant struggle for me (and I also went through some personal stuff), but the point is I’m feeling so drained and I constantly miss my child-free life.”

She went on to describe how the emotional toll has started to show up in her confidence and mental health.

“When I look in the mirror, I see someone who looks worried, battered and defeated,” she continued. “I’m finding gray hairs all over my head and my self esteem has plummeted over the past 18 months. My anxiety and depression also consumes me. I’m starting to feel so small and irrelevant.”

The mom, who said she’s based in Hong Kong, admitted she feels guilty even posting because she has support from her husband and a helper, and because her daughter is “relatively easy,” despite being in the “terrible twos” stage. Still, she wrote that even when she gets time to herself, her mind won’t shut off.

“Even when I get me-time, I don’t enjoy it because I’m constantly thinking about what I need to do when I get home,” she shared. “Sometimes I have the chance to have the whole Saturday off to do whatever I want, but I can’t enjoy myself because I’m thinking about my daughter. I dread weekends because I’m always on survival mode. I hate myself.”

She also said she feels overwhelmed by milestones she hasn’t tackled yet, like potty training and weaning off a pacifier.

“I’m also behind on potty training and getting rid of the pacifier, but I can’t handle more whining and crying.”

After laying out how she’s feeling, she asked other parents whether they’ve experienced the same conflict — especially since friends with babies seem to be finding parenting “easier over time,” leaving her unsure of who she can talk to.

“I work 9-6 and it is a stressful job, but at the end of the day I still have to go home and deal with my daughter. It’s so exhausting,” she wrote. “I love her with all my heart and she amazes me everyday, but I hate mom duties. I feel trapped and I hate myself for saying this because I feel so ungrateful. Any advice or any moms also feel the same way?”

In the comments, many parents reassured her that these feelings are more common than people admit, and encouraged her not to judge herself for struggling.

One commenter wrote that they regularly swing between gratitude and regret, explaining that parenting can replace the quiet “after work” decompression with a nonstop cycle of feeding, bath time, and managing meltdowns. They added that the intensity can ease with time, pointing out that in a few years, kids become more independent and more focused on friends — and that this stage, while exhausting, doesn’t last forever.

Another parent with a similarly aged child said they related deeply, describing a phase filled with whining and aggression that left them questioning whether they had the patience for it. They ended by hoping that, with time, it becomes easier to recognize the love they’re giving their child — and the life skills they’re helping build.