Parent’s Partner Thinks Toddler Son Is ‘Manipulating’ Them By Asking for Hugs After His Daily ‘Blood Curdling Screams’

A parent is looking for advice on a “weird stage” they’ve hit with their toddler son.

In a post on a parenting subreddit, the parent wrote that their 3-year-old has been “driving me crazy,” letting out “blood curdling screams” multiple times a day. Lately, they’ve responded by using short time outs—nothing extreme, they explained—just time to settle down while the parent stays nearby and coaches deep breathing.

But now, the parent says their son has started turning screaming into a threat.

“Now when he doesn’t get his way or get what he wants immediately he’ll say ‘If you don’t (insert whatever here) I’ll scream,’ and I’ll say ‘Well if you scream, then you’ll be in time out,’ ” they wrote. During time outs, he also tries another tactic: “My son also says while in timeout that if I don’t give him hugs he’ll scream.”

That’s where the parent feels stuck. They don’t want to reward the behavior by hugging right after a threat—but they also don’t want to “weaponize hugs,” especially because their child is usually very affectionate and asks for lots of hugs and squeezes.

The situation, they said, is heartbreaking and exhausting. “He doesn’t even ask for hugs. He just comes right out with that statement no fail every time,” they wrote, adding that they feel “at a loss.”

The parent also pushed back on the idea that their child is intentionally manipulative. Their partner believes ignoring the threats is best because the toddler is “trying to control” them—but the parent doesn’t see it that way. “He’s a three year old,” they wrote. “I really don’t think he’s a master manipulator. I just think there’s some sort of mental disconnect, and I don’t know how to explain it to him so he’ll understand.”

In the comments, some users suggested the pattern may be accidentally reinforcing the behavior—especially if time outs are consistently followed by hugs.

“It looks like time outs followed by hugs are reinforcing instead of punishing,” one commenter wrote. They encouraged the parent to stay calm and allow the child to scream without giving in, emphasizing that a screamed threat isn’t the same as a true meltdown. They also suggested offering physical comfort after the child completes the expected behavior—cleaning up, getting shoes on, or choosing an acceptable alternative—so the child learns that hugs aren’t withheld as punishment, but also aren’t granted in response to screaming.

“And tell him you will be super happy to hug him AFTER and AS SOON AS he does what he’s supposed to do,” the commenter added, “That way you’re setting clear boundaries… and telling him how to get what he needs without screaming for it.”