Woman Feels Pressured into Joint Birthday with Triplet Siblings, Considers Skipping for Trip With Husband

A woman turns to the Reddit community seeking advice after a frustrating disagreement with her mother over birthday plans that left her feeling overlooked.

The Redditor, one of a set of triplets, shares a birthday with her two siblings. She explains that her mother insists on a shared birthday brunch, rather than allowing her to enjoy a weekend trip with her husband.

“Our mother, immediately after getting back from family vacation a week ago, ‘asked’ if the three of us want to do a birthday brunch since it’s ‘a big birthday’ (35),” she writes. “I say ‘asked’ because this wasn’t really a question, even if it was phrased with a question mark.”

While her mother is framing 35 as a major milestone, the woman questions whether it truly qualifies as a “big one.” Her own plans began to take shape when her husband suggested a long weekend getaway — to places like Canada, Cape Cod, or even Italy.

“She texts our spouses [to ask] if we’re free,” the Redditor reveals, noting that her sister-in-law and brother-in-law replied yes. Her husband, feeling the pressure, politely responded, “sounds fun. We were thinking of maybe traveling somewhere but can let you know soon.”

She feels her mother is dismissing her wish to celebrate on her own terms. “It would be nice to be together because it’s a big birthday,” her mom replied after her husband’s hesitant answer.

Logistics also complicate matters, as she lives the farthest from the family. “My siblings live between me and my parents have anywhere between a 0 and 2 hour drive maximum. I’m 2-4 hours minimum,” she explains.

She adds that even though her grandmother — her mom’s mother — lives just 15 minutes away from her, the family is unwilling to travel in that direction. “They don’t want to spend the day in the car,” she says, pointing out the imbalance in effort.

Emotionally, she struggles with having to share her birthday. “I can’t help but feel my mother is trying to make MY birthday, which I had to share for 18 years, her birthday,” she confides.

While open to celebrating with her siblings eventually, she’s frustrated by the pressure and inflexibility. “I feel like I’m not being treated like a grown adult,” she writes, reflecting on a recent phone call with her mom.

During that call, she tried to explain her position and find some middle ground. “It amounted to me saying I’d [touch base] with my siblings about plans but that we need to figure out travel plans and how to coordinate this around it,” she shares.

Time is also an issue. With just six weeks left, she feels there isn’t enough notice to plan a trip, although a brunch would be easier. “It’s 6 weeks away so there’s barely any time to plan a trip with husband anyways,” she says. “We’re very flexible with a trip later in the year or whenever.”

Despite the tension, the woman stresses she doesn’t think her mother is trying to be hurtful. “I do not think she’s trying, overtly at least, to be spiteful or malicious in any way—she wants her kids together and celebrating, and I totally appreciate that.”

Still, being sidelined on her own birthday feels painful. “AITAH for wanting to tell my mom to piss off, stop being overly precious about dates & adult birthdays… and schedule something together with my siblings and parents when we want to?” she asks Reddit.

Supportive commenters encouraged her to prioritize her own plans. “Go ahead and plan your weekend away with hubby. Tell your mother that you had prior plans, and that her late request put you & hubby on the spot,” one wrote.

Others advised directness, even if it’s uncomfortable. “Just give her an answer yes or no,” another said. “Do what you want to do but don’t leave her invitation hanging without a response.”

In the end, the woman is trying to balance honoring family traditions with asserting her independence.