Woman Left Stunned After Mom Misses Her 40th Birthday to Throw Other Family Member a Party

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after her mother scheduled a birthday party for her brother-in-law on the same day as her milestone 40th birthday.

“I (39F) turn 40 on Friday 9/19 and had established I am having a party for my 40th on the 9/20,” she writes in her post. She explains that September is a busy month for her family, with her brother-in-law turning 37 at the start of the month and her husband celebrating his 43rd less than a week later. She picked a date and made plans for her own celebration.

However, her mother suggested a joint celebration for everyone on the day she had planned her party. “I reminded her I was making my own plans for the 20th,” she shares, adding that her sister, who is married to her brother-in-law, was aware of her birthday plans.

At the time, nothing more came of the suggestion, and she believed her boundaries were respected as she prepared for her 40th birthday.

But just a few days before the party, she reached out to her parents to see if they could watch her son so she could celebrate with friends. “I am told by my mother that she won’t be available [because] she has BIL’s birthday party,” she explains—learning for the first time that her mom was hosting the event.

Her sister then revealed she had been involved in organizing the other party. “So mom (& sister) who knew about my birthday party and sister who was invited and never said she wouldn’t be there, is now throwing her 37 yo SIL a birthday party instead of attending her own daughter’s 40th birthday party,” she writes.

Feeling blindsided, she confronted her mother about the hurt of being dismissed on such an important milestone. Her mother’s response only deepened the wound.

“When confronted about the fact that it was hurtful that she chose to throw someone else a birthday party on the day of my party, she tells me that I should put someone else ahead of myself for once,” the woman recalls. She says this stung particularly hard given her role in the family as the eldest daughter and a so-called “glass child.”

“A glass child is the sibling of a child that has special needs, so is therefore overlooked, and often left to be responsible for themselves,” she explains in her post. “Parentification is very common, too, throw in the expectations put on the eldest daughter, and it makes for a lot of neglect.”

She says this lifelong pattern of putting others first only makes her mother’s comment more painful. “Mind you I am an eldest daughter, as well as a glass child, so I have spent 39 years putting others first,” she writes.

In her Reddit post, she questions whether her anger at her mother’s decision is justified. “AITAH for being pissed off about my mom’s actions, and my sister’s complacency?” she asks the community, who largely sided with her.

As the situation unfolded, she updated readers on her next step. She made it clear to her family that she would not tolerate being treated as an afterthought on her milestone birthday.

“I sent a text to my family text that whoever was just going to stop by before going to BIL’s party can save their time and skip mine all together,” she shares.