Woman Refuses Move in with Boyfriend After His Mom Keeps Letting Herself into His Apartment

A 23-year-old woman asked Reddit for advice after repeated conflicts with her boyfriend over his mother’s frequent, surprise visits to his apartment — a situation that’s now making her rethink whether moving in together is a good idea.

In her post, she explained that she and her 26-year-old boyfriend have been together for two years and recently started talking seriously about sharing a place. While she said she cares about him and could see a future together, one issue keeps bothering her: his mother regularly shows up without warning.

According to the woman, her boyfriend’s mom doesn’t call or text before arriving. Instead, she uses a key and lets herself in. Sometimes the visits are quick, but other times they catch the couple completely off guard.

What troubles the woman most is that she doesn’t even understand why her boyfriend’s mother has access in the first place. She said that whenever she asks about it, he avoids the conversation and changes the subject — which only makes the situation feel more uncomfortable.

She added that she has tried bringing up her feelings before, telling her boyfriend the unannounced visits make her uneasy. But she said he dismissed the concern and suggested it wasn’t worth upsetting his mother.

The issue became impossible to ignore when the couple was in the middle of an argument and his mother suddenly walked in. The woman described the moment as painfully awkward — especially because his mom acted as if nothing was happening and immediately started chatting about her garden.

After that, the woman told her boyfriend she wasn’t willing to move forward with living together if nothing changed. She said she needs basic privacy and doesn’t want a situation where his mother can keep a key and come over whenever she wants.

Her boyfriend, she wrote, didn’t respond well. He went quiet and told her she was forcing him to “choose” between her and his mom — something she said wasn’t true, since she wasn’t asking him to cut his mother off, only to set boundaries.

Things escalated further after he finally raised the subject with his mom. The woman said his mother cried during the conversation, which left her feeling guilty and like she was being painted as the bad guy.

In the comments, many readers told her her concerns were reasonable and warned that a lack of boundaries now could become a bigger problem later. One person cautioned that he may never establish healthy limits with his mother, while another suggested that if he can’t set expectations before moving in, it may be a sign they aren’t ready for that step yet.