A woman who is three months pregnant with her first child says her boyfriend’s mother wants to stay with her when the baby arrives — but she isn’t interested, since she already lives with her own mom.
In a post on Reddit, the anonymous 43-year-old explained that she became pregnant “by surprise, before my boyfriend and I had moved in together.”
For now, she lives with her mother and works from home. She says remaining there until after giving birth makes her feel safer, adding: “My pregnancy has been complicated, and it’s given me a lot of peace of mind to have my mother around during the day in case something comes up.”
She also shared that her mother has welcomed the idea of her boyfriend moving in. “The house is big, there’s extra space for everyone’s privacy, and he will probably be fully installed in a couple of months after he sorts his current situation out,” she wrote. Although he prefers independence, he agreed to her request, and gets along well with her mother despite it not being his first choice.
Meanwhile, his parents — who live abroad — plan to visit before the baby is born, staying with his siblings. But her boyfriend hopes that after the birth, his mother could come live with them for an indefinite period.
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“He says he really would like to have her support and guidance in caring for the baby, and also her help so that I can relax and recover,” she wrote.
The woman, however, is uneasy about the idea. “I’m dreading this, and it’s stressing me out to think about having guests in the house at such a vulnerable time. I think we should focus on learning to parent, bonding with the baby, and adjusting to the new situation.”
She added that she worries about her mother and his mother competing or trying to take over her parental role. “I feel like I will need space to recover and adjust. I’m very comfortable setting strong boundaries around my mother, but not so much his, who I haven’t met in person yet.”
Her boyfriend understands somewhat, she says, but she can tell “his feelings are a bit hurt, and he feels like my mother will be privileged compared to his.”
On Reddit, many commenters sided with her. One wrote: “He’s a guest in your mother’s house. He doesn’t get to invite people to stay.” Another added: “Ultimately, this is your MOTHER’s house. Not yours and not your boyfriend’s. Which means she ought to have veto over houseguests, especially long term ones. And it doesn’t seem like anyone is considering her opinion at all.
