Woman Worried She’ll ‘Wreck’ Christmas by Telling Her Adult Kids She Split from Their Dad After 40 Years

A British woman is wrestling with whether to tell her adult children that she and their father have separated just before the holidays — and she turned to the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on U.K. site Mumsnet for advice.

In her post, she shared that she recently left her partner of 40 years. Though they were never married, the two share children and grandchildren.

She wrote that their relationship has “had its difficult times,” including past infidelity on his part. In recent years, however, she believed they had “reached a good place” and imagined they would “grow old together in relative harmony.”

That changed when she discovered he had been “lying” to her “for a very long time” and was in a relationship with “someone who caused me and my family a great deal of pain in the past.”

Calling it “a complete betrayal,” she said she has now decided to end the relationship for good.

According to the post, her ex-partner is “very upset” and worried that the rest of the family will turn against him and cut him off — but she feels that any fallout is the consequence of his own choices.

What’s weighing on her is how to break the news to their family, especially because the pair were meant to host everyone for Christmas this year.

“I don’t want to wreck everyone’s Christmas at this late stage,” she wrote, asking whether she should keep quiet until after the holidays, or tell them now so they can “sort something out for themselves.”

Most commenters encouraged her to be honest with her grown children and focus on her own wellbeing during such a painful time.

“Be straightforward with your children as they’re adults. I don’t think you should have to pretend things are okay. They’re old enough to deal with sadness and disappointment. It’s you that needs support at the moment,” one person wrote.

Another commenter pointed out how easy it is to put others first at her own expense: “In the whole scheme of things Christmas really doesn’t matter but as women we are conditioned to make everyone else happy and keep the peace. It’s a bloody hard habit to break. OP, tell your children and stop worrying about Christmas. Hopefully they will offer you some emotional support.”

“Tell them sooner rather than later,” added another user.

Someone else suggested that the responsibility shouldn’t fall solely on her:

“No, you don’t have to tell them, he does,” they wrote. “He chose to do what he’s done and should own it to your family. Don’t suffer in silence for anyone.”