Woman Wracked with Guilt for Purposefully Isolating Her Husband from His Family: ‘It’s Eating Me Up’

A woman has shared her deep remorse after intentionally distancing her husband from his family and friends during the early years of their relationship.

Posting on Mumsnet’s “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum, the woman explained that she had been “very insecure” when she and her husband first began dating. She recalled overhearing his parents and siblings tell him they disliked her and believed he should end the relationship.

“He knew I was uncomfortable with him listening to people that were trying to persuade him to leave me […], so he stopped contact with his family,” she wrote.

The woman added that her husband’s friends also urged him to reconnect with his relatives, which eventually led him to cut ties with them as well. “Eventually we moved away and got married so we could be together without judgment,” she said, noting that 17 years have now passed since then.

Over time, her insecurity faded — but the guilt grew stronger. “The reality is I isolated my husband from his family and friends because they didn’t like me, and I felt threatened by [the idea of] them talking him out of being with me,” she admitted. “I literally just removed them like they were obstacles in the way of my happiness.”

While she said that she and her husband are happy together, the emotional weight of their estrangement still troubles her. “Yes, [my husband and I] are happy now, but I can’t live with myself for all the heartbreak I’ve caused his family who don’t even know our teenage kids,” she wrote. “He just says leave it, we’re happy and that’s all that matters, but it’s eating me up.”

Commenters on the forum were quick to share their thoughts. Many reminded her that her husband also made his own choices. “Presumably your husband is a functioning adult with the capacity to make his own decisions? If he is not wracked with guilt then I don’t see why you should be,” one commenter said. Another added, “[Your husband] made his own decisions. You are not responsible for the decisions he made. Sounds like his family was totally wrong in any case, as your relationship has clearly lasted and been successful.”

Others encouraged the woman to seek professional help to process her guilt — and possibly rebuild connections with her husband’s estranged relatives. “Have you considered counseling? It might help you process the decisions you made years ago,” one person advised. Another wrote, “I can only advise you to urgently get some therapy and encourage your husband to do the same, away from you, to give him the tools to reconnect with his family and friends.”