A woman says her boyfriend has been acting “distant” since she refused to lend him her vehicle for an eight-hour holiday drive to see his teenage daughter.
The 32-year-old shared her situation on the Reddit forum “Am I the A——?”, where users ask for feedback on relationship and family conflicts. She wrote that she lives in Idaho and has been dating her 39-year-old boyfriend for seven months, though the two were friends for four years before that.
Her boyfriend has a 15-year-old daughter, “Sarah,” who lives eight hours away in Montana. The woman said she and Sarah get along well and haven’t had issues.
The conflict started when her boyfriend wanted to borrow her truck for a long holiday trip—picking Sarah up on Christmas Day and taking her back after New Year’s. The woman said no, explaining that her truck needs repairs and new tires, and that warning lights on the dashboard make her uncomfortable with long-distance winter driving.
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She also noted that her birthday falls on Dec. 30 and said this would be the first time she’s celebrating it while in a relationship. She explained that she had hoped to do something more grown-up with her boyfriend—drinks, a nice dinner, staying out late—especially since she typically works a lot and tries to save money.
In her post, she added that her boyfriend often spends more than they can afford on his daughter and that it puts pressure on their finances. She also said she was worried about her truck being driven through two mountain passes in snowy conditions.
“I may have said it abruptly and got frustrated when saying this to him,” she wrote, adding that she apologized soon after and said she wasn’t trying to be rude.
Still, she said her boyfriend reacted badly. According to her, he canceled plans to pick up Sarah and told her to “just cancel all other plans we have” for Christmas. She said he has been quiet ever since—still joking around at times, but emotionally withdrawn—and has stopped going to bed at the same time, waiting until she’s asleep before coming in.
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The woman said she suggested postponing the trip until January so she could fix the truck first, but he dismissed the idea.
“So, AITA [am I the a——]?” she asked.
In the comments, many Reddit users told her she wasn’t wrong for setting a boundary about her vehicle and safety. Some also questioned why her boyfriend didn’t arrange another option—like renting a car or finding different transportation—rather than pressuring her. Others described his response as manipulative, arguing that canceling Christmas plans and going silent sounded like an attempt to guilt her into changing her mind. One commenter suggested she reconsider the relationship overall.
