Man Says Girlfriend’s ‘Standards Are Too High’ Because She Wants a ‘Nice Ring’ and ‘Marriage’ Before Having Kids

A 30-year-old Reddit user recently opened up about doubts in her relationship with her 31-year-old boyfriend, feeling more like a “placeholder” than a true partner.

While he professes love, his intense focus on parenthood — coupled with comparisons to other women in his life — left her questioning whether he genuinely values her or simply sees her as convenient.

“Recently he complained that all his female friends are having babies with their partners even if their partners are not financially stable and they’re not in ‘perfect places,’” she shared.

One recurring example involves a “female friend from grad school” who had a baby while her husband was deployed. According to the Redditor, her boyfriend repeatedly points out that this friend not only takes care of the child on her own but also acts as the primary earner.

Rather than admiring her friend’s resilience, he reportedly used the example to push his girlfriend toward starting a family.

“He said to me…I should be open to having a baby with him because I have a house, I have flexibility at my job for pregnancy right now, and he finally has a full-time job,” she recalled, noting that he does “make more” than her.

The Redditor said she was shocked. His reasoning felt cold and strategic. She pointed out that these other women were married — so why would she consider motherhood without a formal commitment?

“I do not want to just have a baby out of wedlock,” she explained. “When I pushed back he said my standards are too high because I want an engagement ring, a real wedding, and a honeymoon.”

Her boyfriend cited his high rent, student loan debt, and early-stage career as reasons for not being ready to commit formally.

“I cannot shake the feeling that he just wants to settle with whoever is convenient,” she wrote, emphasizing how difficult this realization has been.

His approach to family planning felt transactional to her, focused more on timing and logistics than on love, connection, or shared values. For her, having a child is a life-changing decision that requires respect, mutual commitment, and emotional security.

“Am I overreacting for thinking about never talking to him again because the audacity alone makes me think he’s a BAD PERSON?” she asked the Reddit community.

Reddit users quickly responded with warnings for the original poster.

“He may not be a bad person, but he sounds like a bad boyfriend,” one user commented.

Another added, “If he can’t commit to a marriage, which can be ended, how in the heck does he think that he can commit to having a child?? That’s a lifelong commitment, even if you were to break up.”