Man Wants to Confront His Roommate for Having Overnight Guests — but Admits It’s Just Because He’s Jealous

A man says one of his roommates is breaking the terms of their lease by having a woman stay overnight — but he admits the bigger issue for him isn’t the rule itself, but his growing sense of jealousy.

In his Reddit post, the 36-year-old explained that he shares a house with two male roommates who are “30-something and 25.” He described himself as being on “friendly speaking terms” with the younger roommate.

According to the original poster (OP), the 25-year-old has been bringing a girl over “on the weekends” for the past month or two, even though their lease “clearly states no overnight guests are allowed.” He noted that the couple has been “pretty quiet and respectful,” so he initially chose to “live and let live.”

The OP admitted he feels conflicted: “I wish I was doing more of what he’s doing when I was his age, to be frank,” he wrote. But hearing them laugh together and watching them cuddle on the couch “absolutely tears me up inside.”

He acknowledged that his emotional reaction is his own: “I have what I think is attachment trauma, basically one shot by a past relationship, and it really just gives me a physical ache in my gut and chest.” The situation has triggered old wounds, and he said it has brought up “a whole lot of bad feelings that I have to process.”

“Last weekend, I sat in my room and cried for the first time in probably 10 years,” he shared, adding that it doesn’t help that the girl is “incredibly attractive.”

Although he knows the problem lies within his own unresolved issues, he still feels the situation goes against what he agreed to. “When I signed the lease, my understanding is that there would be no overnight guests,” he wrote.

The OP concluded that he is unsure whether to “just deal with [his] own s— and be cool about it,” or if he should bring it up. He said that if anything, he should probably speak to the roommate before involving the landlord, but he isn’t sure how to approach the conversation.

In the comments, fellow Reddit users weighed in on how he should handle the situation.

One person noted that while he “wouldn’t be technically wrong” to take the issue to the landlord because “rules are rules,” it would be for the wrong reasons. The commenter emphasized that the man’s emotional pain — not the lease violation — is the true problem that needs attention.

“You also acknowledge that you are allowing your previous pain to control this situation,” the commenter wrote. “You need to work on you and figure out how to move forward in healthy ways.”

Another commenter agreed, saying, “Respectfully, you need some therapy,” but also acknowledging that it’s reasonable to expect some weekends without guests. “I think there is a happy medium here,” they added.