Mother Says It’s ‘Unreasonable’ for Her Adult Son to Let Himself into Her Home Without Planning a Visit

A mother is thinking about changing the locks on her house because of her son’s habit of dropping by without warning.

On Sunday, Aug. 31, she shared her frustration on the UK-based forum Mumsnet, asking if other parents let their adult children visit unannounced. She explained that her son lives nearby and often uses his key to walk right in.

“He popped in tonight and just used his key to let himself in, and I was sitting in my nighty, slightly uncomfortable,” she wrote.

The mom added, “I love to see him, but is it unreasonable to ask him to let me know he’s coming, or do families just expect to walk in and find you as you are?”

Many people responded, saying they had similar experiences but encouraged her to talk to her son about boundaries if she feels uneasy.

One commenter shared, “My adult DC /SDC [dear children/step dear children] and their partners often just pop in (usually around dinner time 😀). Our front door is generally unlocked if we are home, so they just let themselves in. I love it.”

Another person advised, “YANBU [you are not being unreasonable], but it’s probably habitual. It’s hard when your parents have always been ‘just mom and dad’ to realize they are adults with a right to privacy. You may just need to lay it out. A quick text or phone call before coming would really be appreciated!”

Others said they check in before visiting to avoid awkward situations. “I always check because I now live an hour away, and it would be a wasted trip if she wasn’t home. But when I lived down the road, I’d just pop by whenever. Mom always left a key in a pot outside for us kids,” one person said.

Some commenters said they wouldn’t want their parents to show up at their homes without notice, so they always extend the same courtesy.

“DH [dear husband] and I wouldn’t dream of doing that to our parents — we always call first to check they’re around. Even though we have keys, we still ring the doorbell,” one commenter wrote. “Everyone is different, but if you aren’t comfortable, just ask for a heads-up next time.”

Another agreed, saying, “I would always expect someone to message before coming over. It’s just polite. I would never pop in anywhere without asking beforehand. I would also never leave my door unlocked.”