Pregnant Woman Shuts Down Husband’s Request to Name Their Daughter After His Late Wife and Baby Who Died in Childbirth

A pregnant woman is asking if she’s wrong for not wanting her husband to name their baby after his late wife and baby, who both died during childbirth.

In a post on the AITA subreddit, the 34-year-old woman (OP) said she is pregnant with her first child with her husband, 40, who also has a 12-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Eight years ago, her husband lost his wife and baby while she was giving birth. OP says that while he has healed from some of the trauma, he is still processing other parts.

At a recent baby shower, OP and her husband learned they are expecting a girl and started talking about names. OP picked her daughter’s first name, but she let her husband choose the middle name. He suggested the name of his late wife.

“I didn’t disagree in front of my stepdaughter because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but then they tried to make a second middle name the same as their late baby,” OP wrote.

When she told her husband she didn’t want their daughter to have those names, he got upset. He said both he and his stepdaughter wanted those names because they “have meaning behind them” and “these names are important to them.”

OP said she got upset, left their house to stay with her sister for a week, and later tried to talk to her husband again. He argued that since he let her choose the first name, he should get to choose the middle name. OP explained that she is already compared to his late wife and doesn’t want her child to have the same name.

“He still didn’t understand and said the names are important to him and that he really wants a part of them to still be in his life,” OP wrote. “I don’t know what to do. Multiple people have told me I’m wrong and that it’s important to him and I should let him do it, but I don’t know.”

In the comments, many people supported OP, saying this goes beyond just a baby name.

“Honestly OP, I don’t think he was ready for marriage or a baby,” one person said. “When you lose your partner so tragically, you never quite get over it, and he probably sees this girl as the one he lost with his first love.”

“You need to talk with your partner in therapy and let him know how this feels to you respectfully and go from there,” they continued. “It’s strange that he wants to name a new child after his old child or wife, as she has no connection to you. He’d probably be upset if you wanted to name your child after a deceased spouse or child as well.”

Another comment suggested saving the names for the stepdaughter’s future children.

“The names should be saved for when the stepkid has her kids,” they wrote. “Then she can pay homage to her mother, not the wife whose baby has no blood relation to your child.”

Some pointed out that giving the baby the name is a way for the husband to continue grieving.

“This isn’t just a name. It tells a new baby they will never be the one he lost, and that he isn’t over it,” one commenter said. “It doesn’t let the baby be themselves—they carry the burden of his grief every day of their life.”

“They never get to be themselves; they become a legacy, a lost future,” they added. “Making a new baby carry your pain is cruel.”