Wife Is ‘Enraged’ at Her Husband for Lying About Why He’s Infertile. Now, He Claims She’s Not ‘Supportive’ and Being ‘Unreasonable’

A woman has turned to Reddit’s AITA forum to ask whether she’s in the wrong for feeling “enraged” with her husband after discovering he is infertile and has been dishonest about his testosterone use.

In her post, the original poster (OP) said her 36-year-old husband has been into bodybuilding for over 15 years and has what she described as an “unreal physique.” She’s 30 now, and the two started dating when she was 21 and he was 27.

“Being young, I was naive and believed him when he said he was natural (I only asked because my male acquaintances regularly asked me),” she wrote. “Over the years, this morphed into ‘I’m natural now, but I used to take [testosterone] years ago.’ ”

She remembered clearly telling him she was “massively against drugs” and that if he ever went back on testosterone and it affected their ability to have children, she would never forgive him.

Fast-forward to last December, when OP was cleaning their apartment and came across testosterone. Because her husband is “somewhat of a hoarder,” she assumed it was old, put it aside, and hid it in her sock drawer.

“Within 48 hours he confronted me, angry that I’d took it — clearly he had been taking it,” she explained. She then issued an ultimatum: choose her or testosterone. With their wedding set for the summer, he promised to stop using it — and even reassured her parents that he was done.

After that, OP said things calmed down, they got married, and both were “uber keen” to start trying for a baby as soon as possible.

When pregnancy didn’t happen, the couple went for fertility testing.

“It’s been a while with no pregnancy so we took some fertility tests,” she wrote. “We just had results today. Mine came back good. His showed up as no sperm whatsoever.”

At the appointment, the doctor asked her husband if he had been taking testosterone, explaining that it can negatively affect male fertility by lowering sperm count. Her husband told the doctor he had last used it 12 months ago, which didn’t quite fit what the doctor expected.

“The doctor said he’d expect sperm to recover in 3 to 4 months, which means we need to take a load more tests to figure out why there’s no sperm,” OP said. She added that her first instinct was to comfort her husband, but she noticed his reaction shift when he heard that sperm usually recovers in a few months.

After they left the clinic, OP asked him directly if it had really been a year since he last used testosterone. After some back and forth, he finally admitted he had taken it two weeks earlier.

“I am fuming. He lied to me. He’s been wasting my time. He risked our future child’s health. He risked his own health. He risked our future,” she wrote. “But he’s mad at me for not being supportive and he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable in my reaction.”

According to OP, her husband believes she should focus on “fixing the problem” rather than dwelling on why it happened. He argues that she married him knowing his history, so she shouldn’t be upset. His response has left her doubting herself.

The post ended with her asking if she was wrong for being angry that her husband is infertile and has continued using testosterone behind her back.

Reddit users overwhelmingly said she is not at fault and urged her to reconsider having children with him in the current situation.

“NTA, and this is divorce-level deception for me. It’s clear he’s not ever going to give it up, no matter what he ‘promises,’ ” one commenter wrote. “He let you go through the expense and inconvenience of testing to try and hide his using from you. I would not want to have a child with this man.”

Another person suggested that, before any plans for children move forward, the couple should seek professional help.

“Counseling. Stat. He has been using this whole time, do you really think he can stop for 3–4 months or more likely, longer, to let the sperm grow?” they said. “He’s been lying to you and giving you half truths for years now. YEARS. You need marriage counseling.”