Woman Asks Boyfriend to Set Boundaries with His ‘Work Wife’ Due to Continuous Late-Night Texting

A 27-year-old woman is questioning whether her 28-year-old boyfriend is crossing boundaries with his “work wife.”

In a Reddit post, she explains that her boyfriend began working at a busy restaurant about six months ago and became close with a 25-year-old coworker, whom he refers to as his “work wife.”

Initially, she didn’t mind their friendship. However, recently, the coworker has been sending late-night texts, sometimes as late as 1 a.m.

“Stuff like ‘did you get home safe? you were so cute explaining wine tonight’ with a heart, or sending mirror selfies before her shift asking ‘yay or nay?’ and saying he’s ‘the only guy with taste,'” she writes.

“He says it’s harmless and standard for the industry,” she continues. “He did show me some messages on his own, but when I said it made me uncomfortable, he turned off message previews. That felt like the opposite of reassurance.”

Despite their closeness, the coworker didn’t extend the same courtesy when they met in person.

“I met her at a staff party and she barely looked at me. She introduced him to a new hire as ‘my partner,’ then laughed and said ‘work partner.’ When I tried to be friendly she walked off. I’ll admit I went quiet after because it felt weird,” she says.

She told her boyfriend she didn’t want to control his friendships but wanted to set boundaries, including “no pet names or hearts, no outfit selfies just to him, and no non-urgent texts after 10pm.”

“He says I’m overreacting and that they need ‘chemistry’ to keep service smooth,” she adds. “I’m not asking him to quit, I’m asking for respect.”

She asked Reddit users whether she was overreacting or if this behavior is typical in restaurant settings.

“If not, how would you word the boundary convo so it doesn’t spiral? Do I keep this only between me and him, or ever say something to her? I don’t want to be petty, I just want to feel secure in my relationship,” she writes.

Commenters largely agreed that her concerns were valid.

“There is no excuse for this behavior, it isn’t normal. I think it is always creepy as hell when people talk about a work wife. Although I can see how that might happen in the very long term. Certainly not six months into a job,” one user commented. “I have met men and women who have worked together in a small office for more than 20 years who might joke about that because of the long term situation. But a 20 something using that term after a few months? Nah. He’s obviously covering too. Hiding messages, gaslighting you, telling you that you just don’t understand, it’s part of the job. Yeah, sure it is.”

Another user added, “You are not overreacting at all! There’s a huge difference between normal restaurant camaraderie and someone blatantly crossing lines. You’re not asking for anything extreme. You’re asking for basic respect. There’s definitely something going on between them. Maybe not full-on cheating, but at the very least, blurred lines he’s comfortable letting stay blurry. You deserve to feel secure, not dismissed. Trust your gut.”