Woman Borrows $12K from Boyfriend, but Pays Double in Shared Expenses Over the Next 2 Years. Now He Says He Still Wants ‘Cash’

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after a painful argument with her boyfriend over a debt she thought she had already settled.

She explained that during the COVID pandemic, she fell roughly $12,000 behind on rent. Her boyfriend, who she described as being financially comfortable “to a level that feels almost silly compared to how hard I struggle,” stepped in to cover the amount.

At the time, she believed the agreement was simple. According to her, he told her that repayment didn’t have to be direct cash and that “if I paid him back in groceries or whatever, it counted.” She said he never objected as she moved forward with that understanding.

Over the next two years, she claimed she took on most of their shared expenses. She said she paid for roughly 80 to 90 percent of their groceries, which averaged about $800 per month. In addition, she covered a monthly activity they did together that cost anywhere from $400 to $800.

Altogether, she estimated her monthly contributions ranged between $1,200 and $1,600. Over two years, that added up to between $28,800 and $38,400 — far more than the original $12,000. Despite her own financial struggles, she believed she had repaid him “more than double.”

The conflict escalated when her boyfriend allegedly insisted that none of those expenses counted toward repayment. She said he abruptly claimed the debt “had to be cash” and denied ever telling her groceries were acceptable, leaving her feeling shocked and confused.

“He rewrites the entire agreement and acts like I am crazy,” she wrote. She added that if she had known groceries wouldn’t count, she never would have agreed to that arrangement in the first place. Any attempt to revisit their original understanding, she said, resulted in anger and shutdowns from him.

The disagreement spilled into other parts of their relationship as well. She said her boyfriend refused to celebrate holidays or milestones, telling her “no birthday” and “no Christmas” because she still owed him money.

She described the contrast between their lifestyles as stark, noting that he lived comfortably “in a completely different financial universe” while she stressed over monthly expenses. She also said discussions about the issue often ended with him erupting in what she described as “full rage.”

In the comments, she confirmed that he had asked her for gift ideas in the past, only to dismiss them later. She recalled him saying he didn’t want to buy her anything because she “don’t need that,” which made her feel further dismissed.

Many commenters were blunt in their assessments. One wrote that the situation sounded toxic, accusing the boyfriend of gaslighting and financial manipulation. The commenter added that allowing her to shoulder most expenses while struggling — without questioning it or telling her to stop — was not the behavior of a caring partner.